Five Jokes: 11-22-2023

IRS Delays Payment App Rules, Andrew Cuomo's Potential Mayoral Run, Tesla Problems In Texas, California's Media Literacy Mandate, and Canadian 'Super-Pigs'

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Y’all hear about this?..

• The IRS has delayed reporting rules for users of Venmo, Cash App and other payment apps. This comes after public Venmo posts revealed that The IRS paid someone named “KittyCat6969” a million dollars for “🌭😀🌶️🌶️.”

• Former Governor Andrew Cuomo is considering a run for New York City mayor if Eric Adams sinks under the weight of his federal investigation. He hopes to take a cue from Barack Obama’s run for president after the controversial Bush administration. However, beta tests for his campaign slogan didn’t go as well as he planned:

  

• Tesla workers report explosions, concussions, and grisly robot injuries at Texas factory. Surprisingly, their biggest complaint is the coffee. “It’s too bland! We want flavor!” shouted employees in an awkward chant, followed by “But that could just be the explosions, concussions, and grisly robot injuries talking… Did we mention it’s too bland?! And we want flavor?! Well…”

• Media literacy is now a required subject in California schools. And, apparently, that doesn’t mean speed-reading movie subtitles. Great! Because there’s nothing worse than someone laughing before a joke is spoken out loud just because they read it faster on screen. Do us all a favor and follow the five second rule… That’s when you fake laugh after counting all the fingers on your hand. Don’t worry, no one will see you because they’re too busy watching the movie. [This joke is sponsored by The Association Of People Who Can’t Read.]

Finally…

• A population of hard-to-eradicate ‘super pigs’ in Canada is threatening to invade the US. Joe Biden currently has his hand hovering over a red button, muttering “Who wants some Canadian bacon?”

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

How about a whole movie?! Good Burger 2 is out now. Here’s what I wrote about it earlier this week at

Alternate Timeline

for Sci-Fi Fuel #7 :

WATCH: Good Burger 2 (November 22 on Paramount+)

Make no mistake — Good Burger 2 IS a sci-fi movie. I know, because thanks to James III (who helped write the film), I got to go to the premiere. As a fan of the franchise since my youth, I’ve always loved the “John Henry vs The Steam Drill” element of the first film.

And that “fight the man” pulse continues in the sequel as our favorite duo fight a mega corporation that’s trying to replace the human component of the restaurant with robots.

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

A Thanksgiving classic from my Comedy Central days — written by Tom Cowell.

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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