Five Jokes: 7-11-2024

New York vs Tiny Hotel Shampoo Bottles, Game Show Prizes vs Inflation, The Expansion Of Elon Musk's Neuralink, Clooney vs Biden, and CNN Layoffs

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Hey! It’s Thursday in America, and here are Five Jokes!

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• New York will ban large hotels from providing guests with tiny plastic bottles of shampoo and soap. Oddly, this has nothing to do with the environment and everything to do with the incredible organizing efforts of the “large scalp” community.

• According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics inflation calculator, it would take nearly $1.9 million to get the purchasing power $1 million had 25 years ago, when Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? premiered as a major hit. Not to mention the fact that these days, contestants would rather text a friend.

• Elon Musk’s Neuralink is ready to implant a second volunteer. Oddly, those are the exact words Elon Musk asks dates say into a camera before they enter his bedroom.

• High-profile Biden supporter and fundraiser George Clooney has asked the president to leave the race — ending the call saying, “If I ever play you in a movie I have no idea how I’ll do this scene.”

  Biden: "Okay, I gotta go now. Important business to take care of. Thanks for voicing your concern, bud."
  
  Clooney: "Maybe they can duplicate me digitally as two characters..."
  
  Biden: "Sure, yeah. Whatever."
  
  Clooney: "Or, I suppose you could never cut to me... Clooney that is, on the other line. Just use my voice."
  
  Biden: "Yeah, I mean this is all pretty hypothetical anyway, right? So--"

Finally…

• CNN will reduce staff by about 100 as its CEO unveils new details of his “One Newsroom” strategy. However, there is growing concern over his repeated muttering of, “One newsroom to rule them all, one newsroom to find them, one news room to bring them all, and in the darkness… bind them.”

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Wisdom from Branson Reese…

https://x.com/bransonreese/status/1811245173499924862

STRAY THOUGHT

SOMETHIN’ MORE!

A dive back to my 2023 text interview with filmmaker Adewale Olukayode!

A [TEXT MESSAGE] Conversation With Filmmaker Adewale Olukayode

“Why are is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it all here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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