Five Jokes: 7-17-2025
White House Fentanyl Plan, The Future Of 3D Printing, HBO's Real School For Wizards, AI Business Calls, and Three Sets Of Genetic Materials / One Baby
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Hey! It’s Thursday in America, and for the record, tonight’s edition of RAD Comedy is cancelled, but we’ll be back next Thursday with this stacked lineup!—
Anyway, here are FIVE JOKES!
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Y’all hear about this?..
The White House says a key national fentanyl overdose prevention grant program, currently underfunded by roughly $140 million, will eventually be fully paid for "in increments" rather than a single annual payment. Officials claim this will help protect the government from getting addicted to helping people.
Investigators may soon be able to trace a 3D printed object to the specific printer that made it. So, I’ll ask you again, did you really me your girlfriend in “a bar?”
HBO is building a real school for the young cast of its new Harry Potter series. And thanks to an edict from J.K. Rowling, a “sorting hat” must guard each bathroom.
Google will now let everyone in the US call local businesses using AI — and soon, you’ll even be able to select the specific mood and personality of the AI caller, ranging from neutral, to flirty—and for the best results: single mother calling through traffic after working overtime at the government job that just laid her off because “Grok said so.”
Finally…
Eight babies have been born in the UK using genetic material from three people to prevent devastating and often fatal conditions. The devastating conditions will instead be passed down to the Ancestry.com algorithm.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
The perfect headline doesn’t exi— never mind…
The US government has explained the cameras to Ghislaine Maxwell's prison cell strangely went down while she committed suicide next week. Sadly, no one knows how Maxwell committed suicide because the on-duty guards were sleeping while her body was smuggled away. Hopefully, the footage the FBI is splicing together with Adobe Acrobat can shed some light.
Shout out to & !
STRAY THOUGHT
IN OTHER NEWS…
[Interesting Headlines Minus Jokes]
Uber made a multi-million-dollar investment in Lucid and Nuro to build a premium robotaxi service…
A new mural in France shows the Statue of Liberty covering her eyes in a swipe at Trump…
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