Five Jokes: 1-15-2024

TikTok Raw Beef Trend, One Lucky Person Could Be The Worlds First Trillionaire, eBay's Harassment Scandal, Siri's Quality Control Move, and A Special McDonald's Retirement

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Hey! It’s Monday in America. It’s also MLK Day!

Start your celebration with this footage of him celebrating his last birthday:

Now, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• People are eating raw beef on TikTok. Fast food chains hope the trend keeps up so that they can inact the largest cost cutting measure in history.

  

• Good news for one person: The world could get its first trillionaire within 10 years. Bad news for everyone: Said trillionaire will be the only remaining human on Earth.

• eBay was charged and fined $3 Million after a bizarre stalking and harassment campaign against bloggers that included sending a fetal pig, a bloody pig mask, a funeral wreath, and live cockroaches to their home. But the bloggers aren’t the only ones angry at eBay. Someone out there still doesn’t know what happened to the bloody pig mask and box of cockroaches they ordered.

• Apple is asking its San Diego Siri quality control team to relocate to Texas. But now that senator Ted Cruz has quality control over them, its only a matter of time before our phones direct us to an evangelical church instead of a hospital, Black history museum or U.S. border.

Finally…

• A Pennsylvania woman retired from McDonald's after 45 years. When asked why now is the right time, she said, “Well, I’ve been here for the birth of Happy Meals, McRibs, Chicken Nuggets, McSalads, McPizzas, McFlurries, and McCafe Coffee — and after 45 years I’ve finally saved up enough money to try one of ‘em.”

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Check out this great short by Eliza Jiménez Cossio and Lexi Tannenholtz!

After their parents divorce, ex-step-siblings Abby and Sean are forced to confront if they were ever really family.

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

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Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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