Five Jokes: 1-22-2024

Ron DeSantis Drops Out, IRS Struggles, Trump's Racist Haley Nickname, Married Travel Statistics, and NASA's Billion Dollar Canister

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Hey! It’s Monday in America, there’s a new episode of You Are The Genre with special guest

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• Ron DeSantis has exited the presidential race. In a surprising display of solidarity, Florida drag brunch performers have deemed his departure a 10/10 death drop. With him out, Donald Trump and Nikki Haley are the last major GOP candidates. And DeSantis feels he still has a path toward the White House as rumors swirl that both candidates would seek a VP in heels.

• The IRS is struggling to sort legitimate from bogus tax-credit claims. “Dang it, I knew I should’ve taken than red pill,” said IRS Agent Thomas Anderson:

  

• Donald Trump has repeatedly referred to Nikki Haley as "Nimbra," a play on her birth name, Nimarata Nikki Randhawa. But — “It’s not racist,” he attests. “Because I’m not saying it with a hard r.”

• More married people are booking vacation travel for one — which either means they really need some alone time, or the TSA really needs to search their bags.

Finally…

• NASA finally figured out how to open a $1-billion canister containing samples of a 4.6-billion-year-old asteroid. And just like that… the phrase “it ain’t rocket science” has been replaced with “it ain’t a billion dollar space jar.”

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Jesus makes an appearance on Club Shay Shay (starring Joe Kwaczala and Nnamdi Ngwe)

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

Rewind to my 2023 text message interview with DC Pierson!

A [TEXT MESSAGE] Conversation With Actor / Author / Comedian DC Pierson

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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