Five Jokes: 1-25-2024
Five Jokes: 1-25-2024
Jon Stewart’s ‘Daily Show’ Return, United Auto Worker’s Biden Endorsement, Israel’s Gaza ‘Buffer Zone,’ Ice Climbing’s Last Stretch, and Rich People Planning For Cryo Slumber
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Hey! It’s Thursday in America, and, wait — am I the only one who finds these Guinness commercials disturbing?
Anyway, here are Five Jokes!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Jon Stewart will return to 'The Daily Show' as a weekly “Monday host.” And for the remaining days they’ll test out a series of animatronics that look and sound like him. The Daily Show with Animatron Stewart coming soon!
The United Auto Workers union has endorsed President Biden while slamming Republican frontrunner Donald Trump as "a scab" who "doesn't care about the American worker." In a confusing response, Donald yelled at a rally, “The autobots don’t like me! I don’t know why, but the autobots don’t like me. They called me a scab! Whatever that is. I’ve never bled. I’m a reverse Jesus. But let me tell ya, I love autobots. If I could transform… I’d still be me that’s for sure. Make America 01010101010101 Again!”
SIDE NOTE: Did you know humanoid robots will be joining BMW's production line?
Israel is building a 1-kilometer-wide buffer zone with Gaza. After a fierce debate, the United Nations has settled on referring to anything that happens within the zone as “Schrödinger's genocide.”
The extreme sport of ice climbing is at risk of extinction. But there’s light at the end of the tunnel, as climbers have discovered there are rocks behind the ice! “May be a crazy idea, but, I dunno… maybe we can climb those?!”
Finally…
Lawyers are creating legal entities so that frozen, deceased rich people can leave their fortunes to their future revived selves. As a safeguard from any changes in value during their slumber, they’re stockpiling all of the “likes,” “hearts,” and “pokes,” they’ve acquired on social media. “How many hearts for a cheeseburger? Oh, we don’t have cheese or cows anymore? How much for this slime sandwich then?”
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Jason Gore, with the perfect Twilight Zone rendition of what’s happening at The Daily Show.
https://x.com/mrjasongore/status/1750281105398493602
And Heben Nigatu with hilarious context:
https://x.com/hebennigatu/status/1750226764922593333
Ooooh, new informative comedic content from Tim Robinson!
STRAY THOUGHT
This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):
SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!
Anything can happen when you cross the speed limit. Fine more of my Uncertain Life comics here!
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