Five Jokes: 1-31-2025

White House vs PBS, Leaked Zuckerberg Audio, Google's 'Ask For Me' Feature, A New Addiction-Free Painkiller, and The FBI Shuffle

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Hey! It’s Friday in America, Trump was challenged after blaming DEI for the DC plane crash, and, for a moment, just —

Anyway, here are FIVE JOKES!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Trump's FCC chief has opened an investigation into NPR and PBS. It’s reported that he meant to order a PBR and is now bitterly watching all of Ken Burns’The Dust Bowl, sober.

• Leaked audio reveals Mark Zuckerberg saying “everything I say leaks.” Additional files reveal that everything he does leaks as well. So, if you’re reading this, Zuckerberg, consider introducing Metamucil into your diet.

• Google’s ‘Ask for Me’ uses AI to call local businesses for you. The feature is soon to become the most important advancement is ‘ask out’ and ‘break up’ technology.

• The FDA approved a painkiller designed to eliminate the risk of addiction associated with opioids. For those still concerned, the company is beta testing a batch of the pills to be packaged with the label:

  

Finally…

• Multiple senior officials in the FBI were told to resign or be fired. Related: David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson have refused offers to replace them, insisting that Agents Mulder and Scully are fictional characters from a 90s Fox television program. Trump’s White House has responded to such accusations with “The truth is out there…”

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

I was recently introduced to the hilarious power of the Valley Heat podcast. If you haven’t checked it out, buckle up and dive in…

STRAY THOUGHT

IN OTHER NEWS…

[Interesting Headlines Minus Jokes]

• A newly spotted asteroid has a tiny chance of hitting Earth in 2032…

• More Florida communities are pulling back from fluoride…

• Government tech workers have been forced to defend projects to random Elon Musk bros…

• And… Legoland Florida plans to layoff 234 workers who are mostly performers.

SOMETHIN’ MORE!

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Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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