Five Jokes: 1-31-2025
White House vs PBS, Leaked Zuckerberg Audio, Google's 'Ask For Me' Feature, A New Addiction-Free Painkiller, and The FBI Shuffle
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Hey! It’s Friday in America, Trump was challenged after blaming DEI for the DC plane crash, and, for a moment, just —
Anyway, here are FIVE JOKES!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Trump's FCC chief has opened an investigation into NPR and PBS. It’s reported that he meant to order a PBR and is now bitterly watching all of Ken Burns’The Dust Bowl, sober.
Leaked audio reveals Mark Zuckerberg saying “everything I say leaks.” Additional files reveal that everything he does leaks as well. So, if you’re reading this, Zuckerberg, consider introducing Metamucil into your diet.
Google’s ‘Ask for Me’ uses AI to call local businesses for you. The feature is soon to become the most important advancement is ‘ask out’ and ‘break up’ technology.
The FDA approved a painkiller designed to eliminate the risk of addiction associated with opioids. For those still concerned, the company is beta testing a batch of the pills to be packaged with the label:
Finally…
Multiple senior officials in the FBI were told to resign or be fired. Related: David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson have refused offers to replace them, insisting that Agents Mulder and Scully are fictional characters from a 90s Fox television program. Trump’s White House has responded to such accusations with “The truth is out there…”
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
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STRAY THOUGHT
IN OTHER NEWS…
[Interesting Headlines Minus Jokes]
SOMETHIN’ MORE!
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(TEXT SKETCH) LIP READING TRANSCRIPT: Barack Obama & Donald Trump @ Jimmy Carter’s Funeral
As a trained lip reader I have transcribed the exact words spoken between presidents Barack Obama and Donald Trump at Jimmy Carter’s funeral.
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