Five Jokes: 10-10-2023
Kevin McCarthy Is Open To Return, Meta Celebrity Paycheck, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Switches Parties, Alabama Library Mishap, Starbucks PSL Jackets, & More!
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Hey! It’s Tuesday, and the conflict between Israel and Palestine is intensifying — but there’s still a glimmer of hope that maybe… just maybe… the new Frasier revival will solve everything. No? You’re right.
In all seriousness though, consider donating to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, The Carter Center, and/or Alliance for Middle East Peace.
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Here are Five Jokes.
Y’all hear about this?..
Kevin McCarthy suggests that he’s open to return as House speaker. The suggestion will go down as one of the most important “U up?” texts in U.S. history.
Meta is paying the celebrity faces behind its AI chatbots as much as $5 million for 6 hours of work. Clearly, the only reason to chat with these bots is to ask, “Hey, can I borrow some money?”
Its important to note that the chatbots aren’t pretending to be the celebrities, but rather — the celebrities are playing chatbot characters. As Business Insider explains “…Kendall Jenner's likeness is used for Billie, who is portrayed as a big sister to give users advice… Tom Brady plays Bru, a chatbot for debating sports.” — and we can only assume Tom Cruise will play Joey, a chatbot who gets a little antsy whenever you type a word that begins with “S.”
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is switching to a third-party presidential bid. Seeing as how Cornel West recently left the Green Party to run as Independent, some speculate they will switch yet again by forming new party called VMFAO (voting my f***ing ass off): The Exclusive Party for Party Hoppers.
An Alabama library mistakenly added a children’s book by Marie-Louise Gay to the “explicit” list because of the author’s name. Meanwhile, children’s books by Murder Killslaughter have been accessible to children for years!
Finally…
Starbucks has revealed limited-time Pumpkin Spice Latte varsity jackets. And no one is more excited about these jackets than teachers, who see them as a great way to spot the moms who have a little too much time on their hands.
BONUS JOKES:
Since I didn’t post any jokes on Monday, here are a few more for today!
Puerto Rico is adding “USA” to the top of its driver’s licenses, after high-profile cases of people being told their identification isn’t proof of American citizenship. However, some Puerto Ricans are angry that the addition of “USA” was chosen instead of the original, more passive aggressive pitch: “Please Read A Book.”
A Missouri man broke the Guinness World Record for longest journey in a pumpkin vessel. But that’s only because Guinness is unaware that one of those little aliens from Men In Black has been inside of Donald Trump since 2016.
Those were five jokes + 2 bonus jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!
If you enjoyed those, check out (and vote on) last week’s jokes! And consider becoming a paid subscriber:
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If you’re looking for ways to help striking actors, consider donating to the Entertainment Community Fund.
“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:
A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Okay, this is more than one joke. It is an entire web series from the mind of Jewish, Muslim comedian Ahamed Weinberg called Ahamed’s Ramadan Diary.
I was reminded of the series after reading Weinberg’s wisely crafted words regarding the ongoing conflict in the middle east:
UPCOMING SHOWS
“TINDER LIVE” — OCTOBER 12, 8:00PM @ TV Eye NYC (TICKETS)
SOMETHIN’ ELSE!
You can still vote on your favorite of the top 5 jokes from last week!
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