Five Jokes: 10-20-2023

A Non-Federally Approved Diet Drug, A Major Supreme Court Delay, Car Theft Skyrockets, Jon Stewart Leaves AppleTV+, and Kim Kardashian Shows Up For Jury Duty

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Hey! It’s Friday, Britney Spears has a new tell-all book, and here Five Jokes that tell you nothing about me (unless you really think about it)!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• A diet drug that is yet to be federally approved is already being sold online. More concerning… The drug looks exactly like cocaine:

  

  More concerning than that… the drug is called ‘retatrutide’ — which starts off sounding like a word you shouldn’t say and ends sounding like you’re mad at me. So, yeah, it’s pretty much cocaine.

• The Supreme Court has delayed efforts to redraw Louisiana’s voting map. Clarence Thomas is reportedly the prime cause of the delay due to somehow only having white markers in his Crayola box.

• New FBI statistics show that car theft is skyrocketing. Which can only lead to on thing… you guessed it: gasoline theft. And once all the gas and automobiles are stolen, I suppose money is next. And once you get all of that, well… what’s your excuse for not going on a date now?!

• According to reports, Jon Stewart’s Apple TV Plus show was effectively canceled over editorial disagreements with the company regarding A.I. and China. If that’s a little confusing, here’s a simple graph. The left is how much Apple wanted him to bite at the brand, and the right is how much he actually did.

  

  But in Apple’s defense, that’s a pretty disturbing way to eat one.

Finally…

• Kim Kardashian spent the week in court after being called for jury duty. She was considered the perfect candidate due to the court’s inability to read a single emotion on her face. Is she happy?.. Sad?.. Hungry?.. Alive?..

Photo by Eva Rinaldi [license]

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Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE!

Josh Johnson is one of those comedians who literally talks in jokes (off stage or on), so its natural for him to regularly post top tier standup clips about the news, in a way that feels a little more genuine than what’s typically churned out. I’m sure his skills as a Daily Show writer play into that as well. Here's a recent set of his about all of the Will and Jada news that’s been plaguing our timelines this week. And you can find more of his comedy here on his YouTube page!

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

Find more Uncertain Life comics like this here in the Letters from African America vault!

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See you next week with 25 more jokes!