Five Jokes: 10-23-2023
Starbucks's Lawsuits, Cursive Mandates, Third Week Without A House Speaker, The Rock's White Wax Figure, and Free Fries From McDonald's
Before we dive in. I want to apologize (again) for the random email you may have received from me yesterday. I somehow pressed send before I really wrote anything. But I hope you’re invested in the mystery of why and how I’ll be using this GIF in the REAL “Welcome to November, 2023” post next month!
Now, for your regularly scheduled Five Jokes…
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Hey! It’s Monday, Taylor Swift beat Martin Scorsese in the box office, and here are Five Jokes to help beat your boredom!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Starbucks and its worker union are suing each other in a legal showdown. Attorney's fee are projected to escalate from Grande to Trenta.
California has mandated cursive handwriting instruction in elementary schools. So, now parents can look forward to really not understanding what their kid scribbled on a last minute birthday card.
The U.S. House of Representatives has entered its third week without a speaker as nine Republicans vie for the gavel. Hey, at this point, why don’t we just let the gavel choose? And while were at it, hand it some roses and give it a time-slot on ABC.
The Rock says he’ll ask for ‘improvements’ to a viral French wax figure of him that has white skin.
To save on costs, the wax museum will keep the old one, but label it “Vin Diesel” instead.
Finally…
McDonald’s is giving away an order of free fries every Friday with any $1 purchase until the new year. This comes suspiciously close to the company’s newly enacted “don’t ask how old these potatoes are, don’t tell how old these potatoes are” rule.
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“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:
A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE!
Natasha Vaynblat has a great new standup album called We’re All Dads Here. Here’s one of her jokes about being “kindsa Russian.”
(you can also hear her voice as the news anchor in this episode of my cartoon!)
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