Five Jokes: 11-10-2023
Jared Leto Climbs A Building, Israel Agrees To Breaks, World’s First Eye Transplant, Amazon On Meta, and Dr. Ruth’s Important New Gig
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Y’all hear about this?..
Jarred Leto climbed the Empire State Building to announce the launch of Thirty Seconds to Mars' 2024 Seasons world tour in support of the band's latest record It’s The End Of The World But It’s A Beautiful Day. If you have no idea what any of the words outside of Empire, State, and Building mean — congrats, you’re a sane person.
According to the White House, Israel has agreed to a daily four-hour pause in its Gaza assault. This is how you know we’re living in the weirdest version of the universe. We can pause a war for four hours but can’t get an intermission in Martin Scorsese’s four hour movie about.
Surgeons have performed the world’s first eye transplant. They knew it was successful when the recipient turned away, made a funny face while staring into the distance, and returned to normal shouting, “This is so Raven.”
Shoppers can now buy directly from Amazon on Facebook and Instagram. A great convenience for the low price of knowing that two of the most powerful companies have a detailed map of your entire existence. 😀
Finally…
Sex therapist Dr. Ruth is New York’s first loneliness ambassador. She shocked the Mayor by saying the best way to fix the city’s loneliness problem is by speeding up the D train.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE!
How about a bunch of jokes instead? All from the hilarious Tommy McNamara in his new special, Smoldering!
STRAY THOUGHT
This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):
SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!
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See you next week with 25 more jokes!
