Five Jokes: 11-20-2023
Biden's Birthday Turkey Pardons, Gen Z Skips Dating Apps, The Government's Musk Addiction, Clay Shortages, & The "Ram Raiding" Crime Trend
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Y’all hear about this?..
President Joe Biden is spending his 81st birthday honoring the White House tradition of pardoning Thanksgiving turkeys. He’d rather focus on the Middle East, but the scribbled prophecy he found from George H.W. Bush in an Oval Office drawer foretells that ignoring the tradition would bring forth a never-ending turkopolypse.
Gen Z is leaving dating apps behind. Choosing instead to meet people the old fashioned way: In car accidents.
According to The New York Times: The White House May Condemn Musk, but the Government Is Addicted to Him. Wow. Uh… Hey, U.S. Government. I know that Elon talks a good game and all, but as a friend, you should know that…
The ‘Wallace & Gromit’ studio is reportedly running out of clay. Emergency measures have led to Wallace’s revamped look:
Finally…
In a new crime trend known as “ram raiding,” burglars use stolen vehicles to barge through storefronts and then loot ATMs, guns and other valuables inside. Authorities have discerned the person responsible the trend and are now searching for this rogue man:
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REST WELL, ROSALYNN CARTER
Stories like this say it all:
https://time.com/5919091/rosalynn-carter-mary-prince-white-house-nanny/
A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
https://twitter.com/skyler_higley/status/1725955135321296921
STRAY THOUGHT
This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):
SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!
Read my recent [TEXT MESSAGE] interview with artist Rosy Cortez!
![A [TEXT MESSAGE] Conversation With Artist Rosy Cortez](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!kFWE!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa6d34e78-49fc-49ae-8b09-7a2909edceb6_1430x1142.png)
“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:
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I've been playing a lot of Skyrim lately and the skeleton reminded me of the ones in the game, so thank you for that 😂