Five Jokes: 11-27-2023

President Biden Skips Climate Summit, Battery Giants Seek Sodium Solutions, China's Elderly Social Media Addiction, Amazon Surpasses UPS and FedEx, and New Zealand's Smoking Ban Reversal

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• An anonymous official revealed that President Biden will skip the U.N. climate summit in Dubai this week. However, Pope Francis will still attend despite being ill. When the anonymous official was asked “Well, what’s his excuse now?” the person on the other line said “Now ain’t that just a load of malarkey, man, juts let me have a gosh darn break, will ya?!”

• Battery giants are putting their money on new sodium-based technology. This coincides with a surprising new series of books titled Duracell Soup For The Soul…

• China tried to keep kids off social media. Now the elderly are hooked. Their last hope are middle aged warriors tasked with getting their children to stop feeding pigeons in the park and convincing their parents to stop TikTok pranking their grandchildren by pretending to be evil clowns in the park.

• Amazon has surpassed both UPS and FedEx in the number of packages delivered to U.S. homes. However, customers have noticed that the logo has gotten progressively less… excited with all of the extra work:

  

Finally…

• New Zealand was going to be the first country to introduce a lifetime ban on smoking, but its new right-wing government says it needs the extra tax revenue. In a sharp reversal, New Zealand will be first country to introduce a lifetime requirement for smoking. “Billy, no dessert until you’ve smoked it down to the filter!”

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

https://x.com/frankconniff/status/1728498387312660521

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

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