Five Jokes: 12-1-2023
China Is Cutting Off American Access To A Key Mineral, Woolly Mammoths Are Five Years Away, 'Super Soldiers' Are Around The Corner, Chocolate Prices Are Skyrocketing, and Footlong Cookies
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Y’all hear about this?..
China is set to choke off supply of a key mineral for America. That’s right, folks. Get used to rationing Sweet Baby Ray’s.
Woolly mammoths haven't been seen for 4,000 years, but if scientists are successful, they could be walking around Alaska in just five years. “Incredible!” Said one excited Alaskan. “Now, bring back my dad.”
Pentagon scientists have discussed cybernetic 'Super Soldiers' that feel nothing while killing. Which is a fancy way of saying they’re making clones of Kyle Rittenhouse that wear Iron Man suits from Spirit Halloween.
Chocolate prices are rising everywhere due to punishing rains. Oh! So that’s what these lyrics from the upcoming Wonka movie are all about:
Finally…
Subway is adding footlong cookies to its menu in 2024. Insiders say the company was eager to create the saddest possible item that someone could order out loud in a restaurant.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
https://twitter.com/MattGoldich/status/1730393050126417996
STRAY THOUGHT
This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):
SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!
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