Five Jokes: 12-12-2024
A Thousand-Plus Pardons, The Drones Of New Jersey, AI OnlyFans DMs, A New Russian Threat, and ‘Hot Ones’ Sale
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Hey! It’s Thursday in America and here are Five Jokes!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Biden is pardoning nearly 1,500 Americans, a record for one day. Recipients are immensely grateful and mildly concerned about adoption papers sent by the president stating “you are my child now.”
Unexplained sightings of drones in the night skies over New York, Pennsylvania and New Jersey have people asking: Is it legal to shoot them down? “Welcome to our world…” said every brown person on the planet.
OnlyFans models are using AI impersonators to keep up with their DMs. Subscribers knew something was once they received messages with elaborate synonyms for “wet.” “Too many syllables can be a real boner killer,” explained one concerned fan.
The U.S. warns that Russia may be ready to use new lethal missile against Ukraine again in ‘coming days.’ However, the U.S. has made no comment as to whether it gained this knowledge due to supplying them.
Finally…
The company behind the YouTube show Hot Ones, has been sold by Buzzfeed to a group of investors including host Sean Evans and founder Chris Schonberger, Pod Save America producer Crooked Media, Rhett & Link’s Mythical Entertainment and Soros Fund Management for $82.5M in an all-cash deal. The only downside: those investors will be the first set of guests. “So… before the last dab… uh… tell me… where’d you get that sweet suit?”
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Skyler Higley might be onto something…
https://x.com/skyler_higley/status/1866867183642611857
STRAY THOUGHT (FROM THE VAULT)
SOMETHIN’ MORE…
Check out the short film Chemistry Test starring someone you might find familiar.
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People are going to abuse Joe's largesse, no doubt: "Hey, you can't imprison me for this murder!" 'Why?" "Biden pardoned me!"