Five Jokes: 12-5-2023
Jump-Resistant Subway Gates, Florida Government vs LGBTQ Books In Schools, George Santos On Cameo, Kelsey Grammer's PR Fumble, and NASA's Delayed Moon Landing
CORRECTION: In the email version of yesterday’s post, I claimed it was the first day of December. However, it was, in fact, the fourth day of December. I hope the mistake did not cause any accidental time travel. Ff it has, I will pay for the gas. Now, back to your regularly scheduled 5 jokes.
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Y’all hear about this?..
New York is testing new jump-resistant subway fare gates in Queens. This comes after claims from Mayor Adams that normal subway gates have been initiated into gangs.
Florida’s government argues that school districts have a First Amendment right to remove LGBTQ books. But after many attempts at defining “LGBTQ literature” the state will likely avoid books with letters altogether (despite growing concern that odd numbers are… you know… funny).
George Santos is offering personalized videos for $200. But knowing him, they won’t be personalized at all. Look forward to paying $200 for a short burst of whatever George Santos planned on doing that moment anyway: Eating a sandwich… robbing a bank… telling a blind person the light is green when its really red… eating another sandwich…
A BBC host claims that an interview with Kelsey Grammer was cut short by his PR team moments after the actor affirmed his support of Donald Trump. Grammer’s team is now advising that he furiously sing the Frasier theme whenever asked about politics.
Host: “So, who will you be voting for?” Kelsey: “Scrambled eggs all OVER my face! hahaha…” Host: “I wasn’t aware breakfast was on the ballot.”
Finally…
NASA's mission to put humans back on the moon likely won't happen on time. The space agency deeply regrets placing Lauryn Hill as head of the initiative.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
https://x.com/danspenser/status/1731811050775773280
STRAY THOUGHT
This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):
SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!
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