Five Jokes: 2-13-2024

Heavy Snow In NYC, Tech Company Layoff Science, RFK's Super Bowl Ad Apology, Tucker Carlson's Movie Screening, Biden's TikTok Era

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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America, and you can see me defend COFFEE at Uptown Showdown — FEBRUARY 29, 8:00PM @ Symphony Space, NY along with Emmy Blotnick (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert), Myq Kaplan (Small, Dork, and Handsome), Jackie Kashian (The Dork Forest).

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• New York City could experience its heaviest snowfall in more than two years. A sign that even the weather’s new year’s resolutions are off to a rocky start.

• Tech companies are conducting layoffs even if they are doing just fine. Economists believe they’ve pivoted to this controversial algorithm:

  

• RFK Jr. has apologized to family for a Super Bowl campaign ad invoking his uncle, JFK. “I am so sorry if this ad offended any of my family members,” said the third party candidate. “I may have once been a nepo baby, but as a Nepo MAN, I take full responsibility. Nepo Men must unite to defend our nation from the non-nepo community which emerged from the center of the earth (which is hollow) some 500 hundred years ago (which is the age of our planet). Tune in to the final season of Curb Your Enthusiasm airing Sunday’s on MAX: the reluctant gardener who lets us to use his chest as a projection screen to view episodes on. Please stop by. We’re making chili.”

• The mayor of at least one Russian city has arranged a free movie theater screening of Tucker Carlson’s interview with Vladimir Putin. Cinephiles are now torn between watching Mean Girls: the Musical or Mean Boys: The Conversation.

Finally…

• Though TikTok is banned on most government devices, President Joe Biden’s campaign has signed on. Meanwhile, the white house aide tasked with recording Biden’s TikToks isn’t sure it’s normal for their phone to extend a finger prick and draw blood whenever they open the app.

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

A joke linger in your mind every Black History Month from the great Roy Wood Jr.!

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

UPCOMING SHOWS!

• “Uptown Showdown: Coffee Vs. Tea” — FEBRUARY 29, 8:00PM @ Symphony Space (NY) (TICKETS)

• “The Story Collider” — MARCH 7, 7:30PM @ Pier 57 (NY) (TICKETS)

  

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

In a recent episode of Yub Nub (the Star Wars podcast that I co-host), Jim Fagan and I dove into some original footage behind the scenes footage and more!

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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