Five Jokes: 2-2-2024

President Biden vs Grocery Prices, Tesla Recall, The New State Of Garbage In New York, Elon Musk's 'X' Says It's Good For Kids, and 'The Holdovers' Screening Lockdown

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Hey! It’s Friday in America, and there’s an all new episode of Yub Nub — the Star Wars podcast that I co-host with Jim Fagan and Greg Iwinski:

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• President Biden has publicly urged grocery chains to lower food prices. But will take it one step further by connecting his mind to something called the presidential “urge machine.”

  

• Tesla is recalling over 2 million vehicles in the U.S. due to a font size issue with warning lights. The company says it’s an easy fix as long as drivers are willing to learn Wingdings.

• New York introduced new garbage bins and trucks that will no longer require piles of trash on the sidewalk. “There goes the neighborhood…” muttered Teenage Mutant Pizza Rat.

  Now, enjoy this ACTUAL footage of “New York State Of Mind” blaring during a demonstration with Mayor Eric Adams in attendance:

  Mayor Adams later exclaimed “The beautiful thing about New York is there could be anything in that bin, from a dead body to baked goods.”

  🎥: Emma G. Fitzsimmons

• Elon Musk’s ‘X’ is asking advertisers to come back with a new child safety pitch — called The Aristocrats!

Finally…

• Brazilian film-goers were locked in a theater during a screening of ‘The Holdovers’ after employees forgot about them. And though they initially didn’t get along, the movie-goers slowly bonded and have promised to never leave.

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

I really loved this Vulture piece from Jon Roy about the comedy of Dwayne Kennedy — which highlights his first Letterman appearance!

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

Listen to my extended interview with Dwayne Kennedy from my old podcast, It’s All True!

IAT: Extended Dwayne Kennedy Interview

And while you’re at it. Check out the trailer for my NEW podcast, You Are The Genre! An all new episode drops Monday!

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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See you next week with 25 more jokes!

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