Five Jokes: 2-20-2024

Major Credit Merger, Gators, Kim Jon Un’s New Ride, SpaceX’s Classified Contract, and Virtual Mortality

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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America, and has anyone seen my 200-ft radio tower that was stolen in Alabama?!

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Capitol One is acquiring Discovery, meaning two of the US’s largest credit-cards will merge — during their no expense paid honeymoon at the Cayman Islands.

• Veterinarians pulled $7 in coins out of an alligator's belly at a Nebraska zoo. Officials are now begging, “Please, only large bills.”

• Vladimir Putin has gifted a new car to North Korea’s Kim Jong Un. Ah, yes. The perfect gift for a dictator of a certain age. But the Russian made vehicle is more than a sign of friendship. Sources say Putin really hopes it’ll will make an appearance in the North Korean leader’s new show Jong Un’s Garage.

• Elon Musk’s SpaceX has won at least one major classified contract with the U.S. government and is expanding a secretive company satellite program called Starshield for national-security customers. Musk sealed the deal by being the only responder to NASA’s NeuralinkedIn ad.

Finally…

• A study finds that seniors enjoy virtual reality. “Soup tastes better when I drink it via my VR Na'vi tail,” said one elderly man.

  “That’s how the VR goggles translate going to the urinal,” corrected his daughter. “We just feed him soup at the same time so he doesn’t get angry.”

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

I know Presidents’ Day was yesterday, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop learning about how weird they were. Here’s Rob Haze with a history report:

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

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• “Uptown Showdown: Coffee Vs. Tea” — FEBRUARY 29, 8:00PM @ Symphony Space (NY) (TICKETS)

  

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SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

Read more Uncertain Life comics here! And vote on your favorite jokes from last week!

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Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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