Five Jokes: 3-12-2024

Potential TikTok Ban, Airbnb Indoor Surveillance Ban, College Chaos, Pentagon U.F.O. Files, and Brooklyn's 'Bling Bishop'

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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America, and I think it’s pretty cool that Disney previewed its “Hall of Future Presidents” at the Oscars:

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• A bill that could ban TikTok in the US is moving quickly through Congress. But if it doesn’t catch their attention in one second, they’ll simply swipe up to the next piece of legislation. Drafters of the bill are now searching for a means of presenting it Congress via twerk.

• Airbnb has banned all indoor security cameras. And customers rejoice no longer worrying that the large teddy bear on top of the fridge is recording them. Now… they enjoy the freedom of wondering why it’s there.

• Changes in the federal financial-aid application, testing requirements and affirmative action have plunged college applicants and schools into uncertainty, leaving many families with little information about costs and less time to compare offers. In response to the confusion, universities have one suggestion: “Have you tried blowing on your diploma?”

• The Pentagon says it’s not hiding aliens, but it stops notably short of saying what it is hiding. Raising its spouse’s suspicions that its been talking to Parallelogram again.

Finally…

• A Brooklyn preacher known as the “bling bishop” was convicted of trying to extort a businessman while boasting about his ties to New York Mayor Eric Adams. Which is shocking because they seem like two people who would never hang out with each other.

  

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

It does seem like John Mulaney was born to host The Oscars…

Multi-hyphenate Camille Corbett on the upper echelons of multi-hyphenate-dom… (check out her short film The Island)

https://twitter.com/TheWittyGirl/status/1766194191775019363

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

Find more installments of Uncertain Life here!

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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