Five Jokes: 3-13-2025
Primordial Helium, Delayed Astronaut Rescue, IRS Musical Chairs, Pokémon Go's New Owners, and Utah's Sundance Gamble
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Hey! It’s Thursday in America, NASA is monitoring three aircraft-sized asteroids that will zoom past the Earth later today, and I’m performing TONIGHT for SAVAGE! COMEDY| 8PM @ Logan’s Run (TIX/INFO)—
Anyway, here are FIVE JOKES!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Experiments suggest the Earth’s core could contain lots of primordial helium. The research is being conducted by a dedicated team of balloon animal clownologists.
SpaceX has delayed its flight to replace NASA’s stranded astronauts due to hydraulics problems. Said one bitter engineer: “I told Elon ‘Pimp My Shuttle’ wasn’t a thing…”
The Internal Revenue Service ordered most of its approximately 20,000 customer service employees back to the office this week but they didn’t have enough desks to seat them all. DOGE has apparently managed to piss off the IOU, a.k.a. , the Inanimate Object Union — whose chair, naturally, has no comment.
A company owned by the Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund just bought Pokémon Go, and probably all of your location data. Guess that explains why so many rare Pokémon have been hiding on the “premium” button at the local gas station.
Finally…
Utah’s hopes of keeping the Sundance Film Festival is threatened by the state’s anti-Pride flag bill. The state has even announced its willingness to accept a loophole for the festival, allowing them to use the same flags as long as they dub them “technicolor.”
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Amy Sedaris has a unique way of communicating…
Also, just fun to hear Conan talk about his Oscars experience:
STRAY THOUGHT
IN OTHER NEWS…
[Interesting Headlines Minus Jokes]
The current administration wants to go after protesters using an obscure Cold War-era statute…
Egg prices continue to hit records as Easter and Passover approach, but some relief may be coming…
SOMETHIN’ MORE!
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War of the acronyms: DOGE vs. IRS.