Five Jokes: 3-20-2025
International Happiness Rankings, Trump vs The Department Of Education, Hope For “Coyote vs. Acme," A New Understanding Of Dark Energy, and An International Olympic Committee Battle
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Hey! It’s Thursday in America, here’s —
— and here are FIVE JOKES!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Finland is again ranked the happiest country in the world, while the U.S. has fallen to its lowest-ever position — meaning we’re truly Making America Great (Depression) Again.
President Trump is expected to sign a long-expected executive action calling on U.S. Education Secretary Linda McMahon "to take all necessary steps to facilitate the closure [of] the Department of Education and return education authority to the States." No word on McMahon’s reaction to additional demands in the action, ordering such things as “fixing me a sammich.”
More than a year after Warner Bros. shelved “Coyote vs. Acme” for tax incentives, the Looney Tunes-inspired film is close to finding a new home. But, don’t get your hopes up… It’s entirely plausible for this “new home” to be in the recently cancelled Sesame Street. That’s some sort of tax incentive Russian doll.
The mysterious force called Dark Energy, which drives the expansion of the Universe, might be changing in a way that challenges our current understanding of time and space. This change is likely the result of a fringe substance called All Energy Matters.
Finally…
The International Olympic Committee is electing a new leader today, and The New York Times reports that the race has become strange and nasty — with most unsure as to how some guy named “Snoke” got into the running.
Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!
Lastly, I’m aware that yesterday’s post was released without a joke for the JFK headline. Please halt your conspiracy theories about the matter. So, here’s the deal… I will type the headline + joke below and if it happens to get more votes than any of the others from yesterday, it will be the victor for that batch of jokes.
So, to review — here are yesterday’s jokes:
And here is the missing joke:
More than 63,000 pages of records related to the 1963 assassination of President John F. Kennedy were released following an order by President Donald Trump, many without the redactions that had confounded historians for years and helped fuel conspiracy theories. However, conspiracy theorists are disappointed as most of the now un-redacted sentences are are blocked by deep coffee stains.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
The great Ian Edwards…
STRAY THOUGHT
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Next, he'll want to abolish Congress itself, but there's no way in hell he could get away with THAT.