Five Jokes: 3-24-2025
NY York MetroCards, The Future Of Vending Machines, Conan's Mark Twain Prize, Disney's 70th Anniversary Song, and The Weight Of The Internet
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Hey! It’s Monday in America, I’m —
— and here are FIVE JOKES!
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Y’all hear about this?..
The Metropolitan Transportation Authority says it will stop selling and refilling MetroCards by the end of 2025. Mayor Adams is excited to replace the cards with humans stationed at each turnstyle, tasked with judging whether hopeful travellers can actually afford it — testing the new slogan: “If you look rich, come on down! If you look poor, pay up!”
Coca-Cola is installing what the company claims to be the world’s first hydrogen-powered vending machines at the World Expo 2025. In the statement to the press, its inventor stated “I am soda, destroyer of teeth.”
Conan O’Brien accepted the Mark Twain Prize for humor as politics roils the Kennedy Center. Sources say O’Brien considered skipping the event, but then worried Jay Leno would appear dressed as him on stilts to accept on his behalf.
SIDE NOTE: In honor of this prize, I’m unlocking my full piece on the lasting power of Conan O’Brien (today only)!
The Jonas Brothers are recording an upbeat new theme song to celebrate Disneyland‘s upcoming 70th anniversary titled “Celebrate Happy.” Their goal is to make it so catchy that straight people question their sexuality while humming it in the bathroom.
Finally…
WIRED Magazine estimates the weight of the internet could be the same as 10.6 American males, or one third of a Cybertruck, or 64,000 strawberries. This is, of course, the result of someone bringing 100% of the wrong brownies to the office potluck.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Disney clarification from Maggie Mae Fish…
STRAY THOUGHT
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Recent You Are The Genre guest on getting his finances back on track…
And… Hacks star Hannah Einbinder on how her Jewish faith informs her support of Palestine…
SOMETHIN’ MORE
In addition to this newly re-released episode where myself, Jim Fagan, and Greg Iwinski connect the dots between Severance and Star Wars…
…click below and explore a random segment of the newsletter!
NY - Park Slop - 3/25 | 7:30PM @ Two Boots Park Slope (TIX/INFO)
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