Five Jokes: 3-26-2024
ALEXANDRIA LOVE TAKEOVER! - Millennial/Gen Z Drinking Habits, 2024 Measles Uptick, The Great CBD Scam, The Healing Power Of Viagra, and Disney's
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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America and I’m
taking over for ’ Five Jokes A Week (based on the bestselling novel of the same name.) We had so much great feedback from yesterday’s newsletter. It pretty much redefined the genre, no big deal. So let’s do it again! Without further ado, here’s five jokes!Donate to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, The Carter Center, and/or Alliance for Middle East Peace.
Y’all hear about this?..
The San Francisco Chronicle is reporting that millennials and Gen Z are drinking less alcohol than older generations. Of course we are! Alcohol is poison. We’re focused on healthier alternatives, like snorting ketamine in a port-a-potty at Coachella.
The WeatherChannel.com reports that 2024 measles cases in the U.S. are raising fears of larger outbreaks - urging everyone under 60 to respond, “There’s a WeatherChannel.com?”
According to new research, there is no evidence that CBD products reduce chronic pain, and taking them is a waste of money and potentially harmful to health. What a bummer! If I wanted to do something that wasted my money and was harmful to my health, I would just go back to grad school.
In a “huge” study, the FDA confirms that Viagra cuts the risk of Alzheimers by over 50%. Well, not a HUGE study. I’d say about average. I’ve certainly seen bigger. But don’t be embarrassed! This study is a grower, not a shower.
Finally…
Potential Disney board member Nelson Peltz made headlines after criticizing Disney’s “woke” marketing strategy — basically saying he doesn’t see why we need superhero movies starring Black or female leads. He continued, “I miss the good old days when Marvel movies were about sweaty, muscular men in spandex pants wrestling with each other over jewelry.”
Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Wisdom from Amy Miller…
https://twitter.com/amymiller/status/1772460083550605411
STRAY THOUGHT FROM TIM
SOMETHIN’ FROM MY VAULT!
https://twitter.com/alexfromoakland/status/1663227033135075328
“Why are these people emailing five jokes a day?” —
explains it here:
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See you tomorrow for day three of…
Alexandria Love is a stand-up comedian, writer, and genius from Oakland, California. She is currently based in NYC. Alexandria has performed at comedy clubs all over the country from the SF Punchline to The Miami Improv. She’s been a part of numerous comedy festivals, including SF’s Comedy Day (2018), SF SketchFest (2018, 2019, 2020, and 2021), Out of Bounds in Austin, TX (2019), Silicon Valley Comic Con (2018, 2019), and South by Southwest (2019). The San Francisco Chronicle calls her a “stand-out” for the Comedy Day Celebration, and she was voted as a “Comedian to Watch” by the SFist in 2019. Citizens of Oakland, CA, might know her as the 19-time winner of the Dirty Haiku Battle at the Oakland Metro Opera House. Most recently, she has written for late-night television, having written 204 episodes of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Alexandria holds a B.A. in Modern Literature from U.C. Santa Cruz and an M.A. in Communications from the University of San Francisco.
Ha ha, Nelson Peltz...