Five Jokes: 3-4-2024

Nikki Haley's First Win, CDC Non-Guidance, Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s Chat Bot, Buildings Reach New Heights, And Restaurants vs Large Parties

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Hey! It’s Monday in America, and comedian/late night writer/WGA East council member Greg Iwinski joins me in the latest episode of You Are The Genre!

→ We chat about how sports radio and self-aware sitcoms and variety shows guided him toward late night television and beyond! Here he is explaining elements of last year’s writers strike:

[Paid subscribers can listen ahead to next week’s episode with podcaster Rob Schulte! ]

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Nikki Haley just won her first primary victory in DC, but Trump is still crushing the GOP race. To the tune of Sally Field winning her Oscar, Nikki shouted “You think I’m slightly better than the alternative! You REALLY think I’m slightly better than the alternative!”

  

• The CDC has dropped COVID-19 guidance for five-day isolation. Meaning in the eyes of the government, you’re just a depressed weirdo.

• Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s Microsoft-powered chatbot just disappeared. Microsoft’s CEO Satya Nadella awkwardly responded questions of “how?” with an Italian American accent saying, “I gave it an Outlook it can’t refuse.”

• Apartment developers are creating bigger and taller properties, as rising costs push them to build more units to be profitable. Faith leaders now advise avoiding any parties in the apartments of Babel.

Finally…

• Restaurants are shying away from reservation for big groups. Here’s an idea: Put one of those conference call machines at the center of each table. If a party of 10 splits up, at least they can still hear each other chew.

  

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

If you enjoyed those, check out last week’s jokes! And consider becoming a (free or paid) subscriber:

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Yedoye Travis’ absurd interview with Vince Staples will either bless or curse your day with all of its stimulating ideas.

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

UPCOMING SHOWS!

• “The Story Collider” — MARCH 7, 7:30PM @ Pier 57 (NY) (TICKETS)

  

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

Okay, this is a fairly recent edition to the vault. Get the jump on my March letter to you all now! Or, if you’ve subscribed to this newsletter, wait for it to hit your inbox in a few hours:

Welcome to March, 2024

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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