Five Jokes: 3-4-2025
Private Moon Landing, Retaliatory Tariffs, Judges vs AI, A Kroger Resignation, and A Christianity Map
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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America, Linda McMahon has been confirmed as Trump's secretary of education, and my dream job is —
Anyway, here are FIVE JOKES!
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Y’all hear about this?..
A private space mission successfully landed on the moon, marking a key milestone in NASA’s quest to have private companies deliver shipments of equipment to the lunar surface. In fact, Dominos pizza just launched its new “astronauts deal.” If your meal doesn’t hit the lunar surface in three days or less, you’re likely stranded because of a nuclear war that ended all life on Earth as we know it. Terms and conditions may apply. Mainly to world powers.
Canada's retaliatory tariffs on the United States take effect today in response to U.S. tariffs. So, soak up as much syrup as you can today before theInternational House of Pancakes becomes the American Apartment of Where’s My Rent.
Judges are fed up with lawyers using AI that hallucinate court cases - forcing many to adopt the “Morpheus method,” which requires tracking and locating lawyers in their real-world goop tubs ahead of each trial.
According to one inside source, it’s likely the result of a “spill on aisle sex” or a “price check on this bag of… sugar.” This source is, of course, Bill, the office “funny guy” who talks exclusively in jokes yet always seems to be holding back tears.
Finally…
A Pew Research map shows U.S. states where Christianity is surging and falling. For instance…
In New York City…
57% identify as Christians…
15% identify with other religions…
and 26% identify as religiously unaffiliated…
Whereas in South Dakota…
79% identify as Christians
2% identify as other religions…
and 18% identify and religiously unaffiliated…
But in Florida…
100% identify as escaped Disney World characters pretending to be human.
Honestly, explains everything that’s ever happened in that state.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
A quick Oscar’s recap from Ariel Elias…
STRAY THOUGHT
IN OTHER NEWS…
[Interesting Headlines Minus Jokes]
NASA's upcoming telescope launch aims to address some existential questions…
Mexico is facing off with U.S. gunmakers at the Supreme Court…
SOMETHIN’ MORE!
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5 bangers today! 😂