Five Jokes: 4-24-2024

MIKE POOLE TAKEOVER! - Bird Flu Milk, Mediterranean Dust Storm, Unhealthy Air Stats, Airline Refund Mandates, and A Blocked Fashion Brand Merger

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Hey! It’s Wednesday and I’m still Mike Poole filling in for

Tim Barnes

. Side Note: Ferris Wheels terrify me. I’ve never seen a new ferris wheel, every single one is old, rickety, and begging to be retired like LeBron’s knees. Why would I get on such an obvious death trap? It’s as if the first one in existence had already been 75 years old. It’s like Stonehenge in a way. Yep, JUST like Stonehenge.

Who’s ready for some jokes?

Donate to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, The Carter Center, and/or Alliance for Middle East Peace.

Y’all hear about this?..

• After finding traces of H5N1 in grocery store milk, the FDA has discovered an outbreak of bird flu in cattle. At face value hearing a Cow with bird flu is as confusing as saying Ben Shapiro got athletes' foot. It could happen, but it sounds wrong.

• Yesterday a storm from the Libya kicked up dust that traveled across the Mediterranean Sea and turned the skies of Greece orange — giving it that foreign country in an American film glow.

  

• A report found that 130 million Americans routinely breathe unhealthy air. Wow, that’s a lot of people stuck behind an asshole with a vape pen.

• The Transportation department will soon require airlines to provide automatic cash refunds within a few days for canceled flights or “significant delays” — but if your plane door is ripped off mid-flight you will still only get the standard thoughts and prayers within 10-15 business days.

Finally…

• The Federal Trade Commission is suing to block a huge 8.5 billion dollar merger between two parent companies that would see fashion brands Coach, Kate Spade, Michael Kors, and Versace under the same umbrella — and that umbrella belongs to Fonzworth Bentley:

  

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

I hope you enjoyed those jokes! My name is Mike Poole and you can follow me on my website, Instagram, and X!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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(this post may be too long for your email — if so, read the web version!)

A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

I present to you the wonderful and hilarious, Patrick Rowland:

https://x.com/patrickrowland3/status/1780722085054341333

STRAY THOUGHT FROM TIM

SOMETHIN’ FROM MY VAULT!

“UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson reshuffled his cabinet this week in an effort to increase the government’s popularity. Which is the same thing as changing your Myspace top 8 in 2004 so that Luke would notice you.” - Mike Poole

“Why are these people emailing five jokes a day?” —

Tim Barnes

explains it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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Mike Poole is a Brooklyn-based comedian and late night writer who’s credits include writing for The Amber Ruffin Show and The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. He has performed all across the world doing improv, standup, sketch, and characters. He is the creator and host of Mike Poole’s Pool Party, and is a member of My Mommas Biscuits.

He has appeared on Comedy Central, Disney+, MTV, NBC, Food Network, A&E Network, Peacock and more on their television, digital, and streaming services.

Formerly a teacher and performer at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York City. He performed on many shows including Harold Night , Cipha Sound’s Take It Personal, and Baby Wants Candy.

Also a musical improvisor he has travelled across America, Europe, and even Off-Broadway with groups like North Coast: Hip Hop Improv and Baby Wants Candy: Shamilton. He is a former member of Netflix and No Chill and Improvised Gilmore Girls.

Originally from Winslow Township NJ, Mike Poole graduated from Montclair State University with BA in Broadcasting with a minor in Art & Design. He has a lot of feelings about Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and desperately wants more people to discuss these films with him.