Five Jokes: 5-20-2025
Conan O'Brien In 'Toy Story 5,' 23andMe's New Owner, A Bizarre Monkey Trend, Newly Discovered Microbe, and Escaped Inmates
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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America, ‘Sesame Street’ has inked a new streaming deal with Netflix, and I’m —
Anyway, here are FIVE JOKES!
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Conan O’Brien is set for the role of Smarty Pants in Toy Story 5. Per his contract, Mr. Pants will either appear exactly eleven minutes and thirty seconds in, or throughout the film via distant audio of the Smarty O’Trousers Needs A Leg podcast.
The genetic pharmaceutical company Regeneron announced that it is buying genetic sequencing company 23andMe out of bankruptcy for $256 million — making the value of a single person’s genetic data roughly $17. “Wow, must be nice…” said one aspiring pharmacist. “At minimum wage I’d have have to work at least 34,133,333.33 hours to earn that sorta genetic data.”
On an island in Panama, a fad that one researcher called "viscerally disturbing" has recently taken off among a group of young male monkeys who have started kidnapping the infants of another monkey species, seemingly just for kicks. “And for the life of me,” continued the researcher, “I don’t understand how they made little suits that spell ICE.”
Scientists have identified a new microbe that developed on board China's Tiangong space station — and while they claim it’s no means of concern, the so-called “microbe” continues to assert that it’s a grower.
Finally…
Six of the 10 inmates who busted out of a New Orleans jail by ripping out a toilet and climbing through a hole in the wall are still on the loose in the fifth day of a hunt to recapture them. You know, I’ve heard of “shit out of luck” but “shit out of prison” has a nicer ring to it.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
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IN OTHER NEWS…
[Interesting Headlines Minus Jokes]
Israeli strikes kill dozens in Gaza as criticism of Israel grows…
WIRED Magazine made Luigi Mangione’s 3D-printed gun—and fired it.
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