Five Jokes: 7-17-2023

Elon Musk, Barbie, Oppenheimer, Hot Ocean, Red Carpet & DNA

Welcome to the first installment of FIVE JOKES!

Y’all hear about this?..

• Elon Musk supports limiting the rights for nonparents to vote. Uh… okay. In other news, other people on Earth support other things? I can’t be the only person who finds Musk’s opinions completely uninteresting. In fact, you could easily replace his name in any headline with “Some Guy On The Train.”

• The Barbie and Oppenheimer films are both premiering this weekend, and many are torn over which to watch first. Some suggest watching Barbie and then Oppenheimer. Others suggest watching Oppenheimer and then Barbie. I suggest the more affordable route of putting a Barbie in the microwave and watching it melt up close for the full IMAX experience.

• Scientists confirm that the ocean is getting hotter, and greener. An attractive planet with hazel eyes? No wonder we’re getting more confirmation of UFOs. It’s just extraterrestrials trying to hook up!

• Scientists have also created 'Biological Cameras' that store images in DNA. Sounds cool until you realize it will turn everyone into Dropbox. Instead of “How’s it going?” we’ll be asking “How’s your storage?”

• Disney characters walked the red carpet at the 'Haunted Mansion' premiere instead of the film's stars due to the SAG strike. My suggestion: instead of “What are you wearing?” reporters should ask “Were the people who created you fairly compensated?”

  Wow. America has gone through quite a bit lately, hasn’t it? We’ve powered through a pandemic and an insurrection only to wake up and find red carpets looking like this:

  

  Reporter: “So,are you excited that Oppenheimer is finally out?”

  The Mask: “Somebody stop me!”

  Reporter: “Anything else you want to say to the fans out there?”

  The Mask: “Somebody stop me!”

Those were five jokes!