Five Jokes: 7-18-2023

Weed After Work, Amazon Says "Don't Worry," The Matt Damon Trick, Golden Bachelor, Digital Background Actors

Hey, happy Tuesday. Here are Five Jokes!

Y’all hear about this?..

• A growing number of employers don’t mind if you smoke weed after work. In fact, many offices have gone a step further by moving to the puff-puff-pass method in meetings.

  Employee: “Can I just say one thing about the budget allocatio—”

  Boss: “Hold on now, Marsha. Remember, don’t speak until you have the blunt in your hands. The pizza is on its way, right?!”

• Amazon told drivers not to worry about in-van surveillance cameras, but now footage is leaking online. Amazon’s official statement: “Our bad. Go ahead and worry about it now. Hey, your shoe is untied.”

• Matt Damon told his wife he would take a break — unless Christopher Nolan called. Ahh, yes. The classic “I’ll spend quality time with you unless *this very specific thing* happens” trick. It doesn’t work for most people, but somehow always pans out with Matt! How can we forget that time he said “Sure, I’ll take out the trash — unless I get a call to protect the Great Wall of China”?

• I asked A.I. to stretch out Harrison Ford’s face and this was the result:

  

  Just kidding. That’s Gerry Turner, the 71-year-old star of The Golden Bachelor — a title which I’m told has to do with his age and not the amount of bronzer he uses. This feels like one of those shows that’s weird to watch on your own, but even weirder to watch with your grandma. So, it’s safe to say I’m weary about The Golden Bachelor and the Temple of GILFs.

• Hollywood studios want the perpetual rights to replicate the likenesses of background actors via artificial intelligence. Personally, I’m just worried Tig Notaro mistakenly signed something that’ll make her every background actor in every movie ever.

  Speaking of weird things Hollywood wants, here is…

A Joke From The Vault!

Read my Uncertain Life comics here!

And, finally…

A Joke From Someone Else

https://twitter.com/skyler_higley/status/1679688663863623681?s=20

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If you enjoyed those Five Jokes, check out the jokes from yesterday!