Five Jokes: 7-22-2024

Biden Steps Down From 2024 Race, Harris Angles To Secure The Nomination, A Surprise Return To Cash, Aaron Sorkin Backtracks, and A New A.I. Technique

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Joe Biden has stepped down from the 2024 presidential race — deciding instead to join the human race for the first time since entering politics. Speaking to the press, he stated, “If there’s one thing I’ll miss it’s those sweet, glowing zorp eggs from the pocket universe below the Washington monument.”

• Biden endorsed current VP Kamala Harris as the Democratic nominee. Rumor has it that if nominated, she’ll pick her VP The Bachelorette style on live television to beat Trump at his own game. “On behalf of the Democratic party, I give you this rose. You’re hired.”

  

  Photo by Adam Schultz / Remixed with added rose.

• The global CrowdStrike outage triggered a surprise return to cash — forcing Americans to look at the faces on our currency for the first time in years. Under sudden scrutiny, the U.S. Mint stated, “Uh… If any makeup YouTubers have ideas on geting these uggos to look better, we’re all ears.”

• Screenwriter Aaron Sorkin backtracked after publishing his “pitch” for Democrats to replace Biden on the 2024 presidential ticket with a Republican hours before Biden dropped out of the race — meaning he’s somehow invented a reverse walk and talk.

Finally…

•  Open A.I. recently unveiled its new technique for getting chatbots to reveal their thought processes: having them converse. That’s right, robots have cheaper access to talk therapy. Don’t know if I’m afraid of them or just jealous.

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

• The brilliance of Steven Castillo…

  steezus_castillo

  

  A post shared by @steezus_castillo

• A surprisingly evergreen sentiment from Taylor Garron…

  https://x.com/taylorgarron/status/1815093745479831825

  

• Facts from Roy Wood Jr. …

  https://x.com/roywoodjr/status/1815094286368801035

  

  • Listen to Roy’s You Are The Genre episode!

• A vibe assessment from

  Mike Drucker
  …

  https://x.com/MikeDrucker/status/1815159123647868934

  

• And, Elena Saavedra Buckley for the win!

  https://x.com/elenasb_/status/1815091624483205209

  

STRAY THOUGHT

SOMETHIN’ MORE!

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UPCOMING SHOWS

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