Five Jokes: 7-22-2024
Biden Steps Down From 2024 Race, Harris Angles To Secure The Nomination, A Surprise Return To Cash, Aaron Sorkin Backtracks, and A New A.I. Technique
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Y’all hear about this?..
Joe Biden has stepped down from the 2024 presidential race — deciding instead to join the human race for the first time since entering politics. Speaking to the press, he stated, “If there’s one thing I’ll miss it’s those sweet, glowing zorp eggs from the pocket universe below the Washington monument.”
Biden endorsed current VP Kamala Harris as the Democratic nominee. Rumor has it that if nominated, she’ll pick her VP The Bachelorette style on live television to beat Trump at his own game. “On behalf of the Democratic party, I give you this rose. You’re hired.”
Photo by Adam Schultz / Remixed with added rose. The global CrowdStrike outage triggered a surprise return to cash — forcing Americans to look at the faces on our currency for the first time in years. Under sudden scrutiny, the U.S. Mint stated, “Uh… If any makeup YouTubers have ideas on geting these uggos to look better, we’re all ears.”
Screenwriter Aaron Sorkin backtracked after publishing his “pitch” for Democrats to replace Biden on the 2024 presidential ticket with a Republican hours before Biden dropped out of the race — meaning he’s somehow invented a reverse walk and talk.
Finally…
Open A.I. recently unveiled its new technique for getting chatbots to reveal their thought processes: having them converse. That’s right, robots have cheaper access to talk therapy. Don’t know if I’m afraid of them or just jealous.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
The brilliance of Steven Castillo…
A surprisingly evergreen sentiment from Taylor Garron…
https://x.com/taylorgarron/status/1815093745479831825
Facts from Roy Wood Jr. …
https://x.com/roywoodjr/status/1815094286368801035
Listen to Roy’s You Are The Genre episode!
A vibe assessment from …
https://x.com/MikeDrucker/status/1815159123647868934
And, Elena Saavedra Buckley for the win!
https://x.com/elenasb_/status/1815091624483205209
STRAY THOUGHT
SOMETHIN’ MORE!
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UPCOMING SHOWS
To any New Yorkers out there — on August 14, I’m hosting Banned Book Comedy at Queens Public Library! (TIX/INFO)
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Are you saying he WASN'T human when he was President?