Five Jokes: 8-1-2024
Spotify Ends Extra Charge For Lyrics, Defective Amazon Products, Trump's Interview With Black Journalists, Chuck Schumer's "No Kings" Act, and Olympic Money vs OnlyFans Money
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Hey! It’s Thursday in America, and the beginning of August! Anyway, here are five jokes!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Spotify has given up on trying to charge for song lyrics. Instead, they will pivot to charging for something called “Joe Rogan Fact Checking” which give approximated Joe Rogan hot takes based on whatever NPR podcast you might be listening to. “Sorry to interrupt, Terry Gross, but there’s actually a dietary supplement made of horse manure that can solve the economic crisis. Particularly, my economic crisis.”
Regulators found that Amazon is responsible for defective products sold by its third-party vendors—which include flammable pajamas, faulty carbon monoxide detectors, and hair dryers that could electrocute you. Perfect for the supervillain who needs quick access to increasingly intricate booby traps.
While interviewed at the National Association of Black Journalists in Chicago, Donald Trump falsely suggested Kamala Harris had misled voters about her race. More shocking, he claimed those two races were Klingon and Vulcan.
Senator Chuck Schumer has introduced the No Kings Act in an attempt to reverse the Supreme Court’s immunity decision. A perfect tactic when you consider the fact that anyone who proposes an opposing act would have to name it “Yas Qween.”
Finally…
An Olympian from New Zealand says that although he made it to the top of his sport, he is making more money posting on OnlyFans than what he plans to make at the Paris games. The Olympics committee is now seriously considering adding the sport of “Serving Thirst Trap Looks” to the competition.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Start for this joke from Willie Muse, stay for the inner monologue that follows…
https://x.com/Williesillie2/status/1818413959151558907
STRAY THOUGHT
SOMETHIN’ MORE!
Catch up on my July letter before my August letter comes out tomorrow for paid subscribers and next week for free!
UPCOMING SHOWS
And, again… To any New Yorkers out there — on August 14, I’m hosting Banned Book Comedy at Queens Public Library! (TIX/INFO)
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Look for Amazon to change the terms and conditions for third party selling soon.