Five Jokes: 8-16-2024
Organized Casino Crime, Locally Born Hong Kong Pandas, Social Security Breach, Water On Mars, and Biden's Chat With Martin Sheen
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A Las Vegas casino has been accused of catering to organized crime — and local judges have reported a sharp increase of men in track suits staring them down from the gallery while moving an invisible knife across their necks.
Hong Kong welcomed the birth of its first locally born giant pandas with their mother becoming the world’s oldest first-time mother of its kind on record. Damn, those record keepers must have the easiest job on earth. I hear they don’t even use notebooks, just Post-Its with tally marks.
An enormous amount of Social Security numbers and other sensitive information for millions of people could be in the hands of a hacking group after a data breach and may have been released on an online marketplace. The Social Security Administration is now considering updating social security numbers to “social security codes” that include emoji and an embarrassing personal fact, like: 89🥹-👅1-Still-Pees-Bed.
Mars is likely hiding oceans worth of water deep in its crust — finally explaining why Musk’s SpaceX rockets are filled with lube.
Finally…
Joe Biden and West Wing star Martin Sheen exchanged salutes on the South Lawn of the White House today, as the fictional President Josiah Bartlet paid a visit to the campus. Biden was overheard telling Sheen, “At least you get residuals.”
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The mob used to own Vegas before the corporations drove them out. They must want it back.