Five Jokes: 8-25-2023
Five Jokes: 8-25-2023
Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte Turns 20, Billions Spent On OnlyFans, Fungal Apocalypse, Subway Sold, & Whatever 'Hugging Face' Is!
Hey! It’s Friday, the Department of Justice filed a lawsuit against Elon Musk’s SpaceX for discriminating against refugees and asylum seekers during hiring, and okay… yeah… once you’ve recovered from that information, here are Five Jokes!
Y’all hear about this?..
Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte is 20-years-old. So if it tastes bitterer than usual, it’s because it now has massive student loan debt and no concept of which jobs will be viable in five years. In fact, the last time I ordered one, the cup turned to the barista and asked, “y’all hiring?”
OnlyFans users spent more than 5.6 billion dollars on the platform last year. And, according to my calculations… that’s roughly 5 dollars for every person in the Americas, and one dollar for every person on Asia… Just a little something to consider next time you’re in a living room where everyone’s looking at their phone instead of the TV.
According to WIRED Magazine, the battle against the fungal apocalypse is just beginning. Which happens to be the exact phrase I mutter while entering any public men’s room.
Family-owned Subway is being sold to a massive private-equity firm. The firm is rumored to be changing its slogan from “Subway - eat fresh!” to “Subway — eat NOW.”
Finally…
A French-American AI startup called Hugging Face is now valued at $4.5 billion. But, to be clear, the high valuation is only due to the company’s incredible scary name and logo.
Sure, it’s Hugging Face now, but if its mood ever shifts — there’s no telling what opposite of those two words are. Bitter Butt?… Loner Neck?… Know what? Don’t even try to figure out because the answer clearly exists in an alternate dimension. For now, JUST KEEP ‘HUGGING FACE’ HAPPY SO WE NEVER HAVE TO FIND OUT!
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See you next week with 25 more jokes!
