Five Jokes: 8-7-2024

HarrisWalz.com, Elon's Rocket Launch Plans, Prosecutors Using AI Tools, NYC Emergency Drones, and A Shocking Discovery About "Hobbits"

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Hey! It’s Wednesday in America, and here are five jokes!

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• HarrisWalz.com was taken by a Brooklyn-based millennial four years before Kamala Harris announced Tim Walz as her running mate. The millennial made $15k selling the site to the campaign and is mostly thrilled that the Harris didn’t choose the route of his other purchased site HarrisMcConaughey.zone.

• Elon Musk’s space company wants to launch a rocket that dwarfs the Statue of Liberty dozens of times annually from Florida’s Cape Canaveral. His plan, however, is entirely contingent on the discovery of Viagra for space rockets.

• Prosecutors used an AI tool to send a man to prison for life. Now the person who created it is under investigation — this time by a human tool built by AI. [This joke is sponsored by the new CBS detective series, HUMAN TOOL. “HUMAN TOOL… solving crimes so quick, most of the hour is just him eating soup.”]

• New York City emergency management officials have turned high-tech, using drones to warn residents about potential threatening weather. And to ease anxieties around government drone swooping down to record and warn you — the machines have been designed to play soothing elevator music while beginning each warning with,“Don’t worry… I’m not one of the shooty ones…”

Finally…

• Scientists studying ancient cousins of humans have big news: A hobbit-like species was even smaller than previously thought. You know, it really changes things when you realize most beings in Middle Earth thought Gandalf was talking to himself and decided to be nice and play along.

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