Five Jokes: 3-25-2024

ALEXANDRIA LOVE TAKEOVER! - Boeing CEO Stepping Down, Trump's Bond Deadline, A Barkley Marathon Record, Possible Life On Venus, and Fake Golf News

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In This Newsletter:

• An Update From Tim

  • New ‘You Are The Genre’ Episodes!

• Five Jokes From Alexandria Love!

  

Hey! It’s Monday in America, and my friend

Alexandria Love

is taking over this week with her own unique spin on these Five Jokes updates! Doing so frees up time for me to polish some of the other features of the newsletter that you know and love while also giving you a glimpse into the brilliance of some of the funniest people I know. But before she takes over, consider checking out the latest episode of my You Are The Genre podcast featuring TV writer and podcaster Molly McCaleer!

→ We chat about her journey from blogs, to television, to her own Solid Listen podcast network.

[Paid subscribers can listen ahead to next week’s episode with comedian Sonia Denis, who is set to appear in Marvel’s upcoming ‘Ironheart’ series! ]

[Sonia Denis] Is The Genre

Now, Alexandria — take it away! Oh, and if you like her jokes this week, consider leaving her a tip!

Sup, nerds! It’s Monday in America and I’m not Tim Barnes. My name is Alexandria Love. I’m a comedian, writer, and self-diagnosed super-genius. Most importantly, I’m a GREAT joke writer. I even have been known to write a joke or two over on my Substack, the Great! Newsletter (which you should totally check out, b-t-dubs!) For this week, I’ll be sending five jokes every day in Tim’s place, because he’s asked me to. I will also be wearing his clothes, living in the basement of his house, and following his wife around the grocery store. He didn’t ask me to do any of that, but I’m just that committed to my craft. 

Anyway, here’s five jokes (alexandria’s version)!

Donate to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, The Carter Center, and/or Alliance for Middle East Peace.

Y’all hear about this?..

• Today it was announced that the CEO of Boeing, Dave Calhoun is going to step down from his position. Well, he plans to step down but it will likely end up as a crash landing due to engine failure.

• Today is the final deadline for Donald Trump to secure a $454 million bond in his civil fraud case. Apparently if his fundraiser is successful, not only could he avoid prison time, but he will also receive a pizza party for his entire school! But seriously, 450 million dollars seems a little high, and I’m surprised Trump didn’t try to negotiate. If only there was a book he could read about the art of making deals…

• Jasmin Paris became the first woman to complete the Barkley Marathons, a footrace that requires participants to navigate 100 miles of rugged Tennessee terrain in no more than 60 hours. - that’s right, she navigated 100 miles of rugged Tennessee terrain, or as they call it in Nashville, a bachelorette party.

• A new study has found that despite sulfuric acid clouds, there might be evidence of life on Venus. Scientists say life on Venus could be intelligent, however, this does not affect life on Jupiter, which currently remains more stupider.

Finally…

• Trump is being criticized after claiming that he won two golf trophies… at his own club. When asked for comment, Trump said, “Of course I’m good at golf… I always get the highest score!

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

I hope you enjoyed those jokes! My name is

Alexandria Love

and you can follow me on Instagram, X, or my website!

For more laughs, check out last week’s jokes! And consider becoming a (free or paid) subscriber to

Letters From African America

:

Or my own newsletter, Great!

OR send me a tip on Venmo at @AlexandriaLove:

OR subscribe to Tim’s YOU ARE THE GENRE podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or right here in the matrix of this newsletter!

🎨: Madhuri Shukla

And you can always share screenshots or forward this to a friend!

(this post may be too long for your email — if so, read the web version!)

A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

More amazing tips from Skyler Higley…

https://twitter.com/skyler_higley/status/1771976810336784750

STRAY THOUGHT FROM TIM

SOMETHIN’ FROM MY VAULT!

https://twitter.com/alexfromoakland/status/1771595647763755250

“Why are these people emailing five jokes a day?” —

Tim Barnes

explains it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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See you tomorrow for day two of…

Alexandria Love is a stand-up comedian, writer, and genius from Oakland, California. She is currently based in NYC. Alexandria has performed at comedy clubs all over the country from the SF Punchline to The Miami Improv. She’s been a part of numerous comedy festivals, including SF’s Comedy Day (2018), SF SketchFest (2018, 2019, 2020, and 2021), Out of Bounds in Austin, TX (2019), Silicon Valley Comic Con (2018, 2019), and South by Southwest (2019). The San Francisco Chronicle calls her a “stand-out” for the Comedy Day Celebration, and she was voted as a “Comedian to Watch” by the SFist in 2019. Citizens of Oakland, CA, might know her as the 19-time winner of the Dirty Haiku Battle at the Oakland Metro Opera House. Most recently, she has written for late-night television, having written 204 episodes of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Alexandria holds a B.A. in Modern Literature from U.C. Santa Cruz and an M.A. in Communications from the University of San Francisco.