Five Jokes: 1-10-2024

Judge Judy's Nikki Haley Endorsement, The NYPD's Underground Synagogue Brawl, Walmart Drones, A.I. Books, and Water Bottle Particles

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Hey! It’s Wednesday in America, and Angela Bassett did the thing:

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Judge Judy has endorsed Nikki Haley in the 2024 presidential race. It’s a pivotal moment for Haley’s campaign after her refusal to cite slavery as the cause of the Civil War. On socials, she wrote, “A vote of confidence from someone who was actually there to witness the War of Northern Aggression means so much.”

• A secret tunnel in a NYC synagogue led to a brawl between police and worshippers. Sources say the police were digging their own secret passage to a Dunkin’ when their two tunnels suddenly met. [This joke is sponsored by Dunkin’ Donuts — so good, you’ll dig a freakin’ subterranean pathway to it!]

• Walmart is enhancing customers’ experiences with more drone deliveries and A.I. powered search tools. But to keep things true to the brand, drones now come equipped with live footage of an elderly greeter. “Hey, sonny… here are your boxers and novelty Poop Emoji Cake Pans… What was that?!… What was that?! No, I can’t accept tips with this thing… What was that?!”

• Authors keep finding what appear to be AI-generated imitations and summaries of their books on Amazon. Publishers have released a list of derivative A.I. generated books to avoid, including:

  • You Know Why The Bird Cage Yodels by Mayan Calandrelou

  • The Meme-O-Morpheus by France Cofvefe

  • Fahrenheit 7/11 Jay Raspberry

  • Mopey Dicks by Bonham John

  • White Guy on a Sand Planet by Jorge Lucas

Finally…

• Researchers found a massive number of plastic particles in bottled water — giving credence to the once fringe theory that we are Barbie girls in a Barbie world.

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE(s) FROM SOMEONE ELSE OTHER PEOPLE

• Brad M. Johnson is out here trying to start another strike!

  

• I Keep seeing clips of this interview series between Vic Michaelis and Ify Nwadiwe and I’m delighted each time.

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

Check out, Object of Desire, my sci-fi short story about Oscars, and enjoy this Uncertain Life comic about keeping your resolutions reasonable:

UPCOMING SHOWS!

• “SpeakEasy” — January 17, 7:00PM @ Caveat NYC (TICKETS)

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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