Five Jokes: 1-9-2024
Five Jokes: 1-9-2024
Non-Moon Landing, East Coast Sinkage, Apple Vision Pro Release Date, ‘Below Deck’ Cast Fights Back, and France's Youngest Prime Minister
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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America, and Paul Giamatti eating In-N-Out after the Golden Globes is the EXACT energy I’m trying to bring into 2024:
Anyway, here are Five Jokes!
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Y’all hear about this?..
Due to a propulsion system malfunction, the first NASA-financed commercial mission to send a robotic spacecraft to the surface of the moon will likely be unable able to make it there. NASA has expressed its regrets for painting that massive “MADE IN AMERICA” logo onto the ship in addition to the even larger “SUCK IT, OTHER COUNTRIES!”
New satellite images show that the East Coast is sinking faster than we thought — prompting the question: “How much do those NYPD robots weigh exactly?"
Apple Vision Pro goggles go on sale Feb 2 for $3,500. Baristas everywhere are bracing for complaints about latte prices from customers wearing expensive digital scuba gear.
“Below Deck” cast members say they were underpaid, subject to racist comments, and cruelly manipulated. But moments before filing suit, lawyers noticed that cast members not only agreed to those terms in their contract, but that the contract was titled ‘The Below Deck Underpayment, Racist and Cruel Manipulation Accord.’
Finally…
France has its youngest ever and first openly gay Prime Minister. His DMs are blowing up at such a rate that scientists are now inspecting his phone as source of quantum energy — urging millennials to “Stay horny so that we can power the entire globe.”
Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!
If you enjoyed those, check out yesterday’s jokes! And consider becoming a paid subscriber OR just buying me a coffee:
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A JOKE(s) FROM SOMEONE ELSE OTHER PEOPLE
Lisa Beasley’s hilarious Corporate Erin character welcomes you to Q1:
You’ll never look at movies the same after watching this (NSFW) sketch from Jack Bensinger:
Hoff Matthews reveals the truth about Jon Stewart:
STRAY THOUGHT
This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):
SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!
Check out Watching Ghosts — my sci-fi short story loosely inspired by Apple Vision Pro. And catch up on the jokes from last week!
UPCOMING SHOWS!
“SpeakEasy” — January 17, 7:00PM @ Caveat NYC (TICKETS)
“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:
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