Five Jokes: 1-11-2024

The End Of Chris Christie's Campaign, Floridian Dictionary Ban, A.I. George Carlin, Fruit Stripes No More, and Google Layoffs

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Hey! It’s Thursday in America, so start it off weird with this trailer for the Amy Winehouse biopic:

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Now that Chris Christie has dropped out of the GOP presidential race, here’s a quick look at the remaining candidates:

  

• A Florida school district has pulled three dictionaries which define words like “sex” off of library shelves. Most students reacted with, “I already know what sex is, but what the heck is a library?”

• George Carlin’s daughter is speaking out against an AI-generated comedy special featuring a simulation of the deceased comic’s voice. And he’d be proud to know that in the process, she developed seven new words that you can’t say on TV.

• Beloved Fruit Stripe gum is discontinued after half a century. The company told customers that “Yipes, the Fruit Stripes Zebra has gone off to live on a farm,” and then calmly offered to buy them ice cream.

  

  Side note: Please let me write the Bojack Horseman-style spinoff featuring Yipes!

Finally…

• Google laid off hundreds of employees across its business as it marshals resources for artificial intelligence. To make matters worse, they were notified via TikTok’s A.I. voice:

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

• You might recognize someone in the latest Hoff Matthews sketch:

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

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UPCOMING SHOWS!

• “SpeakEasy” — January 17, 7:00PM @ Caveat NYC (TICKETS)

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Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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