Five Jokes: 1-16-2025
Soup Flavored Hard Candy, Joe Biden Calls Out Rising American Oligarchy, Meta Is Driving Traffic To A "Nudify" Site, School Cell Phone Bans Are Uniting The Nation, and A 'Sex and the City' Gate
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Hey! It’s Thursday in America, Israel and Hamas have reached a Gaza ceasefire agreement, and —
Anyway, here are FIVE JOKES!
Donate to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, The Carter Center, and/or Alliance for Middle East Peace.
Y’all hear about this?..
Progresso has introduced new soup-flavored hard candy. They’re calling ‘em Soup Drops, which is far more appealing than the only other option: Chicken Noodle Pills for the Soul… the perfect amenity for Mr. Steal Ya Grandma and Mrs. Oops Did I Drop This Cane?
Joe Biden’s final address to the nation struck an ominous tone, warning of the growing power of America’s ultra-wealthy and cautioning that an emerging oligarchy threatens the foundations of US democracy. It all makes sense once you consider his last-minute replacement for the cue card guy:
Jokes aside — I, for one, commend the president for not saying “malarchigarchy.” We all know you wanted to, and yet you resisted.
SIDE NOTE: The 100 wealthiest got more than $1.5 trillion richer over the last four years, with tech tycoons including Elon Musk, Larry Ellison and Mark Zuckerberg leading the way.
An AI app for creating nonconsensual nude images of anyone is getting the vast majority of its traffic directly from Meta platforms, where the app is buying thousands of explicit ads. Seems the only way to get the message through is for us all to flood Facebook and Instagram with haunting A.I. nudes of Mark Zuckerberg doing… what I can only assume was “water mime”…
And just like that, we’ll have the poster for Joker 3.
Banning cellphones in schools has gaining popularity in both red and blue states — and the only students who don’t hate the idea are those bookworms in the library who’ve already made the pivot to scroll-bearing messenger owl.
Finally…
The ‘Sex and the City’ brownstone rented by fictional character Carrie Bradshaw will get a gate to deter tourists. New York’s Landmarks Preservation Commission has deemed the barrier as the first step in its PROTECTED Sex and the City Initiative.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
Hari Kondabolu slowly convinces that America could use less states…
SIDE NOTE: I interviewed Hari back in 2014!
And catch up on more news with the infamous Chicago puppet, Chad the Bird!
STRAY THOUGHT
IN OTHER NEWS…
[Interesting Headlines Minus Jokes]
Walgreens Replaced Fridge Doors With Smart Screens. It’s Now a $200 Million Fiasco.
Conan O'Brien to be honored with Mark Twain Prize for American Humor
SOMETHIN’ MORE!
Here’s a great list of Direct Fundraising for Los Angeles Area Fire Victims (Eaton & Palisades) featuring GoFundMe’s with less than 20% of their goal reached:
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Joe clearly took a leaf out of Dwight Eisenhower's playbook- when the General left the Presidency in 1961, he warned of a "military-industrial complex" that has been allowed to grow unmolested into the current oligarchy.