Five Jokes: 1-26-2024

Remote Worker Woes, Apple’s App Store Overhaul, Obituary Pirates, Justin Timberlake’s New Album, and The Final Flight Of NASA’s Martian-copter

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Hey! It’s Friday in America, and there’s a brand new episode of Yub Nub — the Star Wars podcast that I co-host with Jim Fagan and Greg Iwinski:

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• New data shows that fully remote workers are hit hardest by layoffs. Of course they are! Imagine being fired on the computer by someone who lives in the same part of your brain as all of your childhood imaginary friends.

• Apple is overhauling its App Store to appease the European Union. So, if apps are taking a while to download, it’s just because your phone is on siesta and no longer relies on tips to survive.

• So called “obituary pirates” are publishing articles with false information about everyday people’s deaths to capture Google traffic. Worse, they’re considering entering the turf of rivals, Story Pirates, by forging an improv group that performs at elementary schools. “Can I get a suggestion of a death?!.. Looks like none of you know what that is… Gather ‘round.”

• Justin Timberlake teased his first new album in 5 years. You might recall his last album was titled ‘Man of the Woods’:

  

  So, naturally, his new record is titled ‘Man, Can You Charge My Phone?” Which is reportedly the first installment of a trilogy, with follow-up albums ‘Man, Why Am I Trending?!’ and ‘Oh No…’

Finally…

• NASA’s little helicopter on Mars has logged its last flight. Having been sent to find signs of life, its final transmission stated “Still no traffic to report, but if there were, these giant rocks would cause quite the jam. Back to you for the weather.”

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Ian Abramson

found some inspiration to get you through the weekend.

https://x.com/ianabramson/status/1749650587950490023

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

If you listened to the first episode of my You Are The Genre podcast Eliza Cossio, you might recall us referencing this text interview! It’s full of insights and funny nuggets of information, like how Eliza drove an ice cream truck in New York before working at The Daily Show.

A [TEXT MESSAGE] Conversation With Writer/Director Eliza Cossio

And, since Mars came up earlier, check out my cartoon, MAURICE ON MARS!

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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See you tomorrow with 25 more jokes!

Like that cartoon face in the logo? It was illustrated by DeAngelo — the talented character/prop designer/YouTuber known as “Hats Off Media!” DeAngelo is working hard an an awesome new cartoon called ScreenTime (teaser). Consider supporting it here!