Five Jokes: 1-3-2024

The 'Tetris' Champion, Mike Johnson's Border Control Hopes, Wall Street Tackles The Housing Crisis, Biden Campaign Tactics, an Abortion Pill Hoarders

Pssst! — if you find daily emails annoying, you can modify your subscription experience here!

Hey! It’s Wednesday in America, and speaking of Wednesday’s and America I’m doing a fun NY show Wednesday, January 17 called SpeakEasy (and you can get tickets here).

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

Donate to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, The Carter Center, and/or Alliance for Middle East Peace.

Y’all hear about this?..

• A 13-year-old became the first person to beat the original 'Tetris.' As consolation, a local store guaranteed him a grocery bagging job once he reaches working age. “Do your thing, kid. Just be careful with the eggs.”

• Speaker Mike Johnson will lead more than 60 House Republicans on a trip to the U.S.-Mexico border today, in a bid to push Democrats to agree to immigration changes. Danny Trejo has refused Johnson’s many calls begging the actor to run around their tour bus with a machete.

  

• As it becomes harder to buy houses, Wall Street has started building neighborhoods of family homes where everybody rents. And as an added bonus, each neighborhood is constructed around a factory where tenants have a guaranteed chance to work for an exciting new thing called “factory-bucks” — which happens to be the sponsor of this joke. Factory-Bucks: It’s Like Regular Money, Except You Can Only Use It On One Of Those Houses. 🎵You Are In Luck! With Factory-Bucks! It’s Technically Not Slavery ‘Til The U.N. Says “Yuck!”🎵

• Biden will start the year at sites of national trauma to warn about dire stakes of the 2024 election. Following this theme, sources confirm that his campaign slogan is a picture of MODOK from Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania along with the words “This Was Greenlit During The Trump Administration.”

  

Finally…

• Women in the US are now stockpiling abortion pills. And can you blame them?! Gotta get your side hustles in order for when The Handmaid's Tale becomes a documentary.

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

If you enjoyed those, check out yesterday’s jokes! And consider becoming a paid subscriber OR just buying me a coffee:

Remember, you can always share screenshots or forward these emails to a friend!

(this post may be too long for your email — if so, read the web version!)

A JOKE(s) FROM SOMEONE ELSE OTHER PEOPLE

If you’re in the mood for some long-form comedy, check out this great livestream from Josh Johnson last night. I’m personally surprised that Johnson hasn’t at least been given the opportunity to guest host The Daily Show (which he writes for). Or, maybe he has and turned it down. That was pretty presumptuous of me. The point is, he’s consistently proven himself to be one of the funniest comedians when it comes to both personal and world events, and for proof of that look no further than the wealth of hilarious clips on his YouTube channel.

• Just a little something to think about:

  https://twitter.com/GianmarcoSoresi/status/1741986937093697729

  

• Honestly, my email is a little jealous:

  https://twitter.com/lizrhoffman/status/1742192355128537282

• And, speaking of work jargon (you can also read my text interview with Melody Kamali here:

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

Check out my recent text interview with Artist DeAngelo Edwards of Hats Off Media!

A [TWITTER DM] Conversation With Artist DeAngelo Edwards of "Hats Off Media"

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

Letters from African America is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider sharing…

…or becoming a free or paid subscriber!

See you tomorrow with…

Like that cartoon face in the logo? It was illustrated by DeAngelo — the talented character/prop designer/YouTuber known as “Hats Off Media!” DeAngelo is working hard an an awesome new cartoon called ScreenTime (teaser). Consider supporting it here!