Five Jokes: 10-4-2023

'Mean Girls' On TikTok, Kevin McCarthy Ousted, Chipotle Robots, UFOs In Maryland, and Biden's Black/Latino Radio Ads

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NOTE: To my subscribers, I’m sorry about that random test email yesterday! I wasn’t trying to trick you into reading a long, serious sci-fi story. But now I do know how to cross-post on substack—something I’ll do sparingly. I also apologize for claiming it was Monday in yesterday’s Five Jokes. Please rest assured that it was in fact Tuesday. Wow. Time… what a concept!

-Tim

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Hey! It’s Wednesday, Meta is introducing AI-generated stickers, and I’m introducing sweet, sweet, human-generated mediocrity with these Five Jokes!

Y’all hear about this?..

• Paramount released ‘Mean Girls’ for free on TikTok in 23 parts. Jealous of its massive Gen Z viewership, Ken Burns plans on releasing his latest documentary, The American Buffalo, frame by fame on BeReal.

  

  photo of Ken Burns by David + image from The American Buffalo

  “Frame 11217 — The buffalo completes its third blink.”

• Kevin McCarthy made history yesterday as the first Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives to ever be ousted. Damn. Rough week for McCarthy. When he got home, he was also forced to step down as Speaker of his Personal House of Relatives.

• Chipotle's new robots can crank out nearly 200 burrito bowls in an hour. “Hey, so can I!” — said the winner of the 2023 Chipotle Burrito Bowl Eating Contest.

• Almost two thousand people have spotted unidentifiable flying objects in Maryland skies. However, those same two thousand people reacted strangely to the follow-up question, “Hey, what’s in that crab cake?”

  

Finally…

• The Biden campaign is making its case to Latino and Black voters with new radio ads. But due to Biden’s nervousness about saying something wrong — the ads are 25 seconds of silence followed him whispering, “Do people still say ‘jiggy?”

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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SOMETHING MORE?

Reading this great Slashfilm piece about The Comedians of Comedy reminded me that I once interviewed Brian Posehn! It’s hard for me to listen to old recordings of my voice — so I won’t me listening to it, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t!

IAT Ep#65: Comedian Brian Posehn (LIVE!) [Explicit]

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