Five Jokes: 12-19-2024
Musk vs Congressional Spending Bill, Nuclear Bunker Sales, 1-800-CHATGPT, Murder Hornets, and Nike’s Money Crunch
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After a pressure campaign from Elon Musk, congressional Republicans scrapped a last-minute bipartisan spending bill that would keep the government funded through mid-March. As a result, frustrated politicians on both sides of the aisle have hit the drawing board, this time with pick axes. Vice President-elect J.D. Vance has hinted at his own annoyance with the circumstance, with many overhearing him mutter “Two’s company, Musk’s a crowd…”
Nuclear bunker sales have increased despite warnings they won't provide protection. Experts claim they only thing less effective than bunkers would be for the apocalypse to use the pull out method.
You can now call 1-800-CHATGPT to speak with A.I. for 15 minutes. For the same effect, try calling your congressperson.
The “murder hornet” has been eradicated in the U.S., according to officials. “Wow, we can eradicate murder hornets but we can’t get universal healthcare…” said Bernie Sanders. “Wow, we can eradicate murder hornets but we can’t get guns out of school…” said concerned parents. “Wow, we can eradicate murder hornets but we’ve never put a man on the moon…” said NASA administrator Bill Nelson before clearing his throat and shouting “Wow! What a crazy sneeze. Sounded like a full blown sentence.”
Finally…
Nike is in a race for cash—slashing prices so aggressively that it’s not only risking its own holiday sales but also weighing on its retail partners. However, the company believes it’s found its stride by making massive shoes and calling them nuclear bunkers.
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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE
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STRAY THOUGHT (FROM THE VAULT)
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"You know what, Musk? When I get in office, I'm going to have the electricity shut off across the country. Then you and the rest of your asswipe tech friends will be bankrupted and have to beg for crumbs on the street! You want that? Then shut up!"