Five Jokes: 2-23-2024

AT&T Outage, Dunkin's Energy Drink, Japans Lead In The Chip Race, Internet Trolls, and The Future Of Online Speech

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Hey! It’s Friday in America. As of yesterday I am officially an uncle, and I can’t wait to be a character of both mystery and concern in a new human being’s life!

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• An hourslong AT&T outage interrupted cellular and internet service in the U.S. — and, in the process, gave an hourslong glimmer of hope to people on the fence as to whether their last date was ghosting them.

• Dunkin' has added a new caffeinated energy drink called Sparkd' Energy despite Panera Bread's lawsuits over caffeinated energy drink Charged Lemonade. But Dunkin’ assures customers that they’ve run all manners of experiments with the drink using Ben Affleck as a test subject, and look how he turned out!

  

• Japan produced an early victory in the race to make more chips. Oddly placing it above America on the list of Best Nations To Invite To Your Superbowl Party.

• Pro-Trump internet trolls are attacking Nikki Haley in sexist and racist ways, using artificial intelligence to manipulate her likeness and depicting her as Shiva, the Hindu goddess of destruction. That’s a lot coming from a voter base that can’t tell the deference between these four photos.

  

Finally…

• The Supreme Court is about to decide the future of online speech. And they intend on presenting their ruling entirely through emoji. Good luck invoking “Eggplant, ruler, microphone, tomato” in court, lawyers.

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

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STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

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• “Uptown Showdown: Coffee Vs. Tea” — FEBRUARY 29, 8:00PM @ Symphony Space (NY) (TICKETS)

  

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