Five Jokes: 2-7-2024

A New Epic Sports Streamer, Nikki Haley's Nevada Primary Fail, Meta's Semi-Crackdown On A.I., American Economic Worries, and Kanye West's Lost Bill Maher Interview

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Hey! It’s Wednesday in America, and I recently texted my friend Dillon Stevenson for three days and documented it with timestamps so you don’t have to:

A [TEXT MESSAGE] Conversation with Dillon Stevenson

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• ESPN, Fox, and Warner Bros are launching a new sports streaming service. Also merging: Every sport. So, move over Peacock! And tune in to one long game of water-beach-ice rugymfootemrobockennitasketballker on Turducken Plus!

• Trump wasn’t on the ballot in Nevada’s Republican primary, but the option for “None of These Candidates” beat Nikki Haley. It’s the most embarrassing moment for the presidential hopeful since that time in high school when her note of: “Do you Like Me: Yes/No” note — was responded to with the write-in question: “What race are you?”

• Meta will crack down on AI-generated fakes — but leave plenty undetected. “It’s simple, really…” explained Mark Zuckerberg in a pair of Morpheus glasses, “Some A.I. is rizz enough to be invited to the cookout."

• Americans are pessimistic about the economy despite signs that it is robust. Which, to be fair, is like being pessimistic about the nutritional value of a McDonald's Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese despite signs that its robust. 🎶 My mind is telling me no. But my body… my BODY is also telling me no. 🎶

  

Finally…

• Bill Maher opened up about why an interview with Kanye West on his ‘Club Random’ web series was left on the cutting-room floor. My guess: Things got so random that they broke the laws of time and space, entering a bubble universe severed from our own reality where their interview is constantly happening but can never be accessed by us or the duplicate versions of Bill Maher and Kanye West that remain in our dimension in order to balance out the cosmos. But, hey… that’s just me.

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Hoff Matthews asks an important question:

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

Time travel to 2016 and listen to my It’s All True! interview with the hilarious Rebecca O’Neal!

IAT Ep#68: Comedian Rebecca V. O'Neal (LIVE!) [Explicit]

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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