Five Jokes: 3-6-2024

Smoking Habits Of Oscar Movies, Space Nonsense, Internet SATs, Air Force Fail, and A New Era Of C-SPAN

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Hey! It’s Wednesday in America, the Just For Laughs festival has filed for bankruptcy, and if you’re in New York, you can see me tell a story tomorrow at “The Story Collider,” 7:30PM @ Pier 57 (NY) (TICKETS)!

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Barbie is the only best picture Oscar nominee that doesn’t feature smoking scenes. Mattel is upping the ante by launching a new doll: Tobacco Farmer Barbie.

• NASA’s Voyager 1 spacecraft has been sending messages back to Earth that don't make any sense. That is… until one brave scientists flipped the code upside down.

  

• In a first, U.S. students will take the SAT entirely online — marking 2024 as the year in which millennials join hands with their Gen X and baby boomer brethren to start saying, “Back in my day.”

• An air Force employee is accused of allegedly sharing classified information on a dating website. Lieutenant General Timothy Haugh spoke to reporters saying, “To make matter worse… the nudes exchanged for the information weren’t even worth it. Dude was out here sexting Gollum. Shoulda been airdropping supplies to Ukraine instead of his self-asteem. Wait, don’t walk away. I got more…”

Finally…

• C-SPAN’s co-CEOs are stepping down this year. They technically stepped down in 2020, but live coverage of there goodbye in a random, noisy public library is finally wrapping up this year.

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Facts by Amber Ruffin.

https://twitter.com/ambermruffin/status/1765382247283077576

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

In remembrance of the Just For Laughs Festival, here’s one of my old auditions.

And in my interview with SNL writer Steven Castillo, he reveals how Just For Laughs is basically the reason he goes by that last name:

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” — I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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