Five Jokes: 3-7-2024

State Of The Union, Subway National Guard, China's 'Delete America' Initiative, Apple Podcast Transcripts, and Man With 217 Covid Vaccine Doses

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Hey! It’s Thursday in America, and POP QUIZ! — Would you rather feel the pain of the Dune torture box OR get roasted by a random Black teenager?

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• President Joe Biden is addressing the nation tonight at the State of the Union. And sources say he’ll be testing out a new catchphrase: “I ain’t scared of you motherf*ckers.”

• New York is sending the National Guard into NYC subways to help fight crime. But to ease concern, they’re required to shout, “Showtime!” and do a quick dance before performing any arrests or shooting under the orders of the Governor.

• China is ramping up efforts to ‘Delete America’ from its technology. Biden officials now urge citizens to add the national anthem to all American made thirst traps on TikTok.

• Apple Podcasts now includes transcripts. And id seeing Joe Rogan Experience episodes as 5,000 page articles about pyramids, weed and horse dewormer won’t make fans rethink a few things, I don’t know what will.

Finally…

• A man in Germany received 217 Covid vaccine doses over two and a half years. Scientists said he appeared to have a very robust immunity and no adverse effects — beyond of looking like this:

  

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Ray Cotolo keeps getting his neighbor’s mail…

STRAY THOUGHT

This is a new segment for a joke or “stray” thought of mine that doesn’t fit the standard setup/punchline format. Hopefully it’ll make me post on Twitter less. Enjoy (and feel free to share!):

SOMETHIN’ FROM THE VAULT!

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Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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