Five Jokes: 4-30-2024

Peacock Price Hike, Zebra On Loose, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Campaign Tactics, Panera Bread Hats, and Paramount's CEO Shuffle

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Hey! It’s Tuesday in America, and here’s a headline that’ll make you feel old:

Anyway, here are Five Jokes!

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Y’all hear about this?..

• Peacock is getting a $2 price increase. Or, as someone with a joint bank account put it, “Wait… which one of us is paying for knock-off OnlyFans?”

• Four zebras escaped from a trailer in Washington State on Sunday. A rodeo clown helped corral them, but one remains on the loose. Residents have been provided with this artist’s rendering, and urged ignore any offers for a “wet tattoo.”

  

• Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has gotten onto the ballot in just three states but his campaign is spending millions to reach more — despite warnings from the Department of Defense that an influx of Kennedy petitioners could launch a three-way turf war between the campaign, the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witnesses.

• Panera's $21 bread bowl hat sold out the day of launch. But there are no updates on how well they taste since everyone who purchased the hat was immediately attacked by birds.

Finally…

• Paramount CEO Bob Bakish is being replaced by a trio of executives — who hope you’ll tune in to watch them spin in chairs and say “yes” or “no” to movie pitches on an exciting new series called:

  

Those were five jokes! Which was your favorite? Use this poll, or drop a comment!

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🎨: Madhuri Shukla

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A JOKE FROM SOMEONE ELSE

Okay, this is more than one joke from great Brittany Carney!

STRAY THOUGHT

SOMETHIN’ FROM MY VAULT!

Had a great chat with my friend

Rob Schulte

on the

Doin' It with Mike Sacks

podcast about how I’ve navigated my weird career and why I launched you You Are The Genre podcast!

“Why is this guy emailing five jokes a day?” I explain it here:

Why I Email Five Jokes A Day

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